Getting along with MomBy Gideon Isidro
Philippine Daily Inquirer
Mother’s Day is here! Are you ready to celebrate your mom? If your answer is “meh,” that’s okay; getting along with Mom is not always easy. Despite the difficulty, we can always try to figure out how we can give life to our relationship with the person who gave us life.
So, why don’t we get along with our moms in the first place?
“We have different views in life,” says Belle Garcia, a third-year Marketing Management student of DLSU. “My mom’s from a different generation with a different way of thinking.”
Denise Pesebre, 20, an HRM student at Benilde, describes her case: “She’s closed-minded and I’m open-minded. She’s afraid of the new, I’m not.”
Sandy Yuvallos, mother of three, explains a parent’s side. “Problems usually occur when children and moms want two different things that seem to go in opposite directions. An example could be the parent wanting to hold their child close to protect them and keep them safe, while the child wants to break free from the parent’s hold and go out into the world to discover, explore and learn.”
Not taking time with each other and not communicating worsens the problem. Karyll Yuvallos Puray, the daughter of Sandy, a Finance graduate of DLSU and now working as business process analyst, says, “It would be very difficult if the parent does not make time to know her children.”
Jireh Calo, 18, a student at British School Manila, believes that “problems often arise when the parent and child do not communicate with each other, causing miscommunication or misunderstanding.”
Let’s get along
So, how do we get along? A good start is to “have the heart to resolve the problem,” says Denise.
Belle believes that “love must always be there: Moms should continue to be loving, while the children should love them back. Children should not take their parents’ love for granted; a lot of children don’t have parents at all.”
Jireh believes in the virtue of humility when seeking to resolve conflict. “It may be hard for parents to admit their faults because they fear that their child would no longer respect them or see them as proper role models. However, I think situations like these are perfect for parents to show their children the value of being honest and being humble enough to admit fault and seek forgiveness.”
Sandy says: “When you say you’re sorry to your child, it doesn’t make you less of a good parent.”
Karyll asks both sides to focus on what really matters. “Pride may feel good in the beginning, but it leaves you betrayed, alone and empty. What really matters is the relationships with our family, and we ought to set pride aside for love.”
When there is a foundation of humility and love, understanding comes easy. Sandy suggests a communication process to facilitate resolution. “Parent and child need to communicate to understand where each side is coming from. They need to figure out what their disagreements are about and what caused them. Sometimes, a mediator might be needed when both are in a highly emotional state. From there, they can come up with creative solutions to resolve conflicts.”
Finally, deepening your intimacy is important, as it strengthens the love and fosters understanding. Karyll describes it: “Parents secure their children by constantly reminding them that they are loved, kissing them, hugging them, and doing special things for them to let them know they’re in their parents’ thoughts.”
Sandy gives the following advice to mothers: “Develop a strong bond with your children by spending quality time with them. Be your children’s best friend whom they could openly communicate and share anything with. Unless there is an open line of communication between the parent and child, any effort to get along well with each other would be futile.”
Though it may not be easy to get along with our moms, we can always try.
You can start by greeting her this Mother’s Day. Tell her how much it would mean to you to build your relationship. Show her this article! Build from there and try to deepen your relationship bit by bit.
Eat out, learn about each other’s point of view, talk about important stuff, and enjoy. It is never too late to develop your relationship with your mom. Happy Mother’s Day!
PHOTOS BY KENNETH CHAN BONA