Quantcast
Latest Stories

Emily’s Post

Must she feel guilty over a one-night-stand with a much younger man?

By

DEAR EMILY,

My husband and I are both 67 years old and we’ve been together since 15 in high school. Our four children have families of their own. I’m a consultant in a private company. My husband, though not sick, chose to retire early. We haven’t had sex in 35 years and I’ve accepted it grudgingly for the longest time.

I don’t look my age, they say. I swim almost every day. My friends and I do fun stuff together. Eight months ago, I bumped into an old classmate who invited me to an outing of her small computer company at a resort in the north. In that three day-two night trip, I met a young man 26 years my junior. He’s tall, well-built, with premature salt-and-pepper hair, and quite conversant.

I’ve never felt so fascinated by a man in a long time. Separated for three years now, he has no kids. On the last night after our farewell party, we walked along the shore way past midnight, and there we kissed, and, just as unexpectedly, made love on the very dark beach. Me! An old woman with a young man!

I felt like a beauty queen, a goddess, having fantastic sex. He was kind and just memorable. I left early and didn’t see him again, or made any contact with him.

Did I feel guilty, a close confidant asked. Not in the least, I said. It even made me a better person because I am feeling a different kind of contentment now. This yoke of old age, this loneliness of not having another chance for any kind of sexual fulfillment isn’t there anymore. Am I going to confess that one-night-stand to my husband? No!

Why rock this boat that hasn’t moved? A separation from my husband is out of the question. We have too much history and shared love with our kids to ever be apart. But I cannot be proclaimed or accept feeling dead before my time. I had this moment with this young man, and I am grateful. We were at the right place at the right time. Our emotions just flowed and felt right. I don’t know if such a moment will come again. Is it wrong not to feel any guilt?

REFUSING TO GROW OLD

Guilt is the inner voice saying you did something bad. Guilt is doing something forced upon you. Guilt is your conscience making you feel guilty because you were not wholly into it.

But you don’t and won’t feel guilty, as you said. Looking at the whole picture, what you did was between you and your creator. Nobody else. If your God is the same as mine, no worries then. This God we believe in is not judgmental, malicious or pea-brained. This God is fantastically munificent and absolutely understanding.

It’s the holier-than-thous, the God’s gift to humanity-ripe-for-canonization-types that are the pebble in the shoe. They are privy to God’s thinking, and therefore, divinities themselves.

Did anybody die in this? Got injured? Would your friend rather that you remained unhappy and miserable on your way to the box? And it’s not like you turned streetwalker or a call girl. That moment was totally unexpected for you. A surprise gift. An extraordinary ripple as you were traveling in a vast, gloomy and quiet dark ocean. A sad metaphor for the marriage you’re in.

As William Faulkner said, “… Let no man prescribe for another man’s well-being.” Just say thanks—for memory.

E-mail the author at emarcelo @inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com.


Follow Us


Follow us on Facebook Follow on Twitter Follow on Twitter


Recent Stories:

Complete stories on our Digital Edition newsstand for tablets, netbooks and mobile phones; 14-issue free trial. About to step out? Get breaking alerts on your mobile.phone. Text ON INQ BREAKING to 4467, for Globe, Smart and Sun subscribers in the Philippines.

Tags: one-night stand , Relationships , William Faulkner

  • affleap

    The fact, that it is one of God’s ten commandments, God has never compromised immorality. Kaya talagang bawal ang makikiapid sa di mo asawa.

  • ordinaryo

    hahaha. Talk to your god.

  • perpetual7

    I almost heard a hyena laughing, sounds like an animal on the loose.



Copyright © 2014, .
To subscribe to the Philippine Daily Inquirer newspaper in the Philippines, call +63 2 896-6000 for Metro Manila and Metro Cebu or email your subscription request here.
Factual errors? Contact the Philippine Daily Inquirer's day desk. Believe this article violates journalistic ethics? Contact the Inquirer's Reader's Advocate. Or write The Readers' Advocate:
c/o Philippine Daily Inquirer Chino Roces Avenue corner Yague and Mascardo Streets, Makati City, Metro Manila, Philippines Or fax nos. +63 2 8974793 to 94
Advertisement

News

  • Hold departure order out vs Corona, Singson
  • Malaysia to release MH370 report–PM
  • Man found dead in Quezon City, alleged victim of summary execution–report
  • Aquino to lead Air Force turnover rites
  • Security in place for Obama as police hope for ‘peaceful’ visit
  • Sports

  • Sharapova advances to Stuttgart quarterfinals
  • Galedo caps ride of redemption
  • Beermen, Express dispute second semis slot today
  • Lady Agilas upset Lady Bulldogs in four sets
  • NLEX roars to 7th D-League win
  • Lifestyle

  • ‘Recovered’ Banksy works on display ahead of sale
  • Marinduque: Visiting the ‘palm of the ocean’
  • First at Vatican in 60 years
  • How Jing Monis Salon gave Krissy the pixie
  • Want to be a supermodel? Work on your inner beauty, says Joey Espino
  • Entertainment

  • Paul McCartney to play at Candlestick concert
  • Kristoffer Martin: from thug to gay teen
  • Has Ai Ai fallen deeply with ‘sireno?’
  • California court won’t review Jackson doctor case
  • Cris Villonco on play adapted from different medium
  • Business

  • PAL hailed for ban on shark fin cargo
  • BSP to change tint of P100 bill
  • Nielsen sees car buying boom in the Philippines
  • How author of best-seller exposed ‘one percent’ economic elite
  • Bangko Sentral readies new bank lending rules
  • Technology

  • Cloud strength helps Microsoft earnings top Street
  • Vatican announces hashtag for April 27 canonizations
  • Enrile in Masters of the Universe, Lord of the Rings?
  • Top Traits of Digital Marketers
  • No truth to viral no-visa ‘chronicles’
  • Opinion

  • Editorial Cartoon, April 25, 2014
  • No deal, Janet
  • Like making Al Capone a witness vs his gang
  • MERS-CoV and mothers
  • A graduation story
  • Global Nation

  • Only 4 Etihad passengers not accounted for
  • Abandoned in Malta,15 PH seamen return
  • Senator hopes PH will also get same vow
  • HK victims to get P115M; traders raised money
  • Afghan hospital guard kills 3 US doctors, including Fil-Am pediatrician
    Marketplace