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Emily’s Post

Senior citizen wants to marry 17-year-old GF, but grownup offspring are opposed

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DEAR EMILY,

Nine years ago, my wife died of cancer. I was 51. During the nine-year period that I was a widower, 13 women came into my life and disappeared one by one. During the same period, my eldest son entered the seminary. In April this year, he was ordained.

Of the 13 girls I’ve had, the ninth girl is still with me. And she’s the youngest, only 17 this November.

I know and we both know that her age and mine are wrong in this relationship. But she agreed that we seek her parents’ blessings when she turns 17 in November, and then marry when she turns 18.

My problem is: my other son, who has cerebral palsy, doesn’t want me to remarry. I don’t know his apprehensions, though the girl is kind to him and is doing everything to befriend him, like greeting him “hi” and sometimes bringing him Cornetto ice cream whenever she drops by.

My priest son, the more educated one, is the most unreasonable. He doesn’t approve of this relationship and doesn’t give the reason for his objection. I could only surmise that he cannot accept the disparity in our ages.

I love this girl, the ninth girl, and I know in my heart how much I love her. How will I convince my sons? Or should I decide on my own without consulting them?—LB

Answer:

The question that beggars belief is: If this girl is only 17 now and she’s the ninth among your 13 lovers, when in heaven’s name did she start her relationship with you? At 13? And you’re 60 now?

What was a girl, possibly just out of elementary, doing then, having this relationship with a nearing senior citizen when you met her? If our society weren’t too permissive, you’d have been thrown in jail for pedophilia.

Do you honestly believe she’s mature enough to know the consequences of her decision? Isn’t she just being naïve at this point, thinking a fairy tale is happening to her? At that age and at that time, did you ever think of anything as heavy-loaded and mature a preoccupation as marriage? The most exciting “gimmicks” you probably had were how to ensnare the most desirable girl in school and give her her first kiss.

There were, of course, the rebellious girls who eloped with or got pregnant by other teenagers—but nothing remotely with men the age of their grandfathers, as your case is now.

Girls in this cyber-age of Facebook and Twitter may be more sexually active than during your time, but are they as mature as well? They know of virtual reality. They know life courtesy of the 24-hour barrage of media and the Internet. How grounding is that?

In 20 years, you’ll be 80 and she’ll only be 37—at the prime of her life. Do you think she’ll stand by you then? Do you have the kind of money to keep her and to give in to her wiles?

Your sons may be thinking 20 years down the line and imagining how you will be then. If they seem selfish and unconnected to how you feel about this girl, it’s clearly for a good reason. Their seeming cruelty toward you may be the kindest gesture you’ll ever get from them. But you obviously are blinded by love.

But hey, this is your life. Whether your two sons accept your marriage to this young girl or not is immaterial. You can marry her anytime, with her parents’ permission, and all will be well by you. But will it, really?

E-mail emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph, emarcelo629@gmail.com or lifestyle.inquirer@gmail.com


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  • Yanong_OFW

    go on..sooner you need someone to take care para sayo..walang magawa mga anak mo sa desisyon mo..hindi naman mga anak mo ang makasama mo habang buhay..huwag mo lang bitinin tang baka maghanap ng iba..hehehe..

  • jane jane

    Your priest son does not approve because you’re planning marriage. Of course he would not say that that’s the reason for his objection.

    Try keeping the relationship at low key. Make your children think that you’re just passing time without saying the word itself. Don’t talk about marriage. Don’t talk about your girlfriend.

    If you can keep the relationship not too obvious to other people….you know…your son is a priest… and people are watching. You don’t want to embarrass him.

    Be sensitive to what your children want or not want you doing. If you’re able to predict what they want, perhaps you’ll be able to maneuver yourself into a more favorable outcome.

    Good luck…..but be prepared to be hurt.

  • done_druff

    The age disparity puts this relationship like a lolo and apo. Time and again we see age gap as the root cause of miseries in the relationship eventually leading to separation.

    I am not undermining the maturity of the 17 year old, but serious thinking does not credit her with such stability worthy of family life. I’m sure later this woman will burst out of her nest longing for the fast lane called teenage life.

  • Diepor

    Go for it. You are dead soon anyway.

    • dequis

      make sure you dont die ahead of this guy

  • BCon

    To LB – I am just wondering how well-off you are. If you are a rich man, then there’s your reason why, MAYBE, this girl wants to marry you. Maybe that is the reason why your sons object to it. Would this girl still marry you with a pre-nupt? Of course, it is but just that she gets “paid” for what she will sacrifice for you (I am sure that is how your relationship started he he he) but maybe just to a certain amount, not to your entire estate. :) Just why would a 17 year old girl want to be married to a 60 year old man but for the conjugal property she will earn. You could be an MMMM to her – matandang mayaman, madaling mamamatay. ha ha ha ha.
    But whatever her reason is, plain support or true love (hey! nothing is impossible) kung ako ang tatanungin mo, I dont think you need permission from your sons to marry. NOT UNLESS palamunin ka na nila.

  • Ornbort

    go for it super lolo! she will keep you young (but parang awa mo na HINTAYIN MO MAG 21)

  • Yobhtron

    To LB: Heed the advice of Emily. The teenager will marry out of necessity and convenience. You can’t possibly fulfill her sexual needs in the coming years. She will end up being hammered to ecstasy by her lover while you are sleeping.



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