Quantcast
Latest Stories

Emily’s Post

He’s the other man, but he can’t stop hoping

By

DEAR EMILY,

I am a 33-year-old single man, not bad-looking, kinda smart, funny, well-educated and with a steady, high-paying job. Modesty aside, I believe I am a good catch for any girl.

A year ago, I met a very pretty 25-year-old girl, a single mother whose boyfriend works in the United States. Her status troubled me for a while, but I persisted and we began seeing each other regularly.

It’s been four months, and I would often sleep over at her house. I have become attached not only to her but also her son.

I feel, though, that she will never leave her boyfriend who supports her financially. And, considering she doesn’t have a job, she will need this support indefinitely. Despite her complaints about her boyfriend being abusive and her claims that she doesn’t love him anymore, I can see that she cares about him and wants to keep her family together.

I have been living in a fantasy world these past few months where I have my own family—a smart and beautiful wife and a cute young son. I acknowledge that I am the bad person here for inserting myself into her life, knowing that she is in a serious relationship. But I have been rationalizing that it does take two to tango. I can also honestly say that I make her happy, in and out of bed.

I feel that this relationship will eventually end with her boyfriend coming back to the Philippines or with her going to the US. Though a part of me feels relieved that someday I can move on to a more stable relationship with a new girl, and I will no longer be a kabit, I can’t stop myself from hoping that she will choose to stay with me instead. Am I just fooling myself with my delusions of a fairy tale ending?—CP3

Answer:

Anything forbidden is so seductive and tastes awfully sweet. Remember Adam and Eve? You’re going bonkers over this woman because the huge boulder between you two—her boyfriend—is becoming a real challenge.

She’ll complain to high heavens about the abuse he inflicts on her, she’ll tell you she’s not in love with him anymore—she’ll say this and that and much more—obviously to rationalize her attraction to you and make her relationship with you appear better than the one she’s discarding.

She can’t very well tell you otherwise without hurting you and making her feelings for you seem less. The lyrics of a song, “…if I am not near the boy I love, I love the boy I am near…” comes to mind.

What happens if you get her pregnant? What happens if she’s just waiting for her papers to join the other guy abroad? They have a child. They’ve had a history way before you. Do you think four months with you will obliterate that?

At 33, it’ll be best for you to set everything right before things get out of hand. Will you have the courage to stop the other guy’s financial support and carry on with that yourself? Why not test the water and propose marriage now if you’re serious about her, and not just while your time for a better woman to appear. See how she will react.

Save yourself from a clear and looming heartache. Think before you dig yourself deeper in a hole you can’t get out of. Words between you two may have the strength and commitment of soap bubbles, for all you know.

E-mail emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com.


Follow Us


Follow us on Facebook Follow on Twitter Follow on Twitter


Recent Stories:

Complete stories on our Digital Edition newsstand for tablets, netbooks and mobile phones; 14-issue free trial. About to step out? Get breaking alerts on your mobile.phone. Text ON INQ BREAKING to 4467, for Globe, Smart and Sun subscribers in the Philippines.

Tags: Family , Forbidden Love , kabit , Relationships , sexual relationship , single , single mom , third party

  • manangjuana

    The letter sender said he is smart but unfortunately he isn’t using his head now. Leave the woman. She is bad news. There are others who are waiting for a man like you. Go and be at peace.

  • bengriley

    been there, still stuck in the same situation, it’s a no win contest man. painful but nothing we can do. i had been promised 7 yrs, that date came and passed, nada. it’s a story of she can’t get over, she & child need him more than she need you. it’s like a cancer that will slowly wilt you for her, If she truly love you, why not leave him. simply she chose an absentee lover than you. painful !!?? yes. because i still am suffering. can’t give you advice man.



Copyright © 2014, .
To subscribe to the Philippine Daily Inquirer newspaper in the Philippines, call +63 2 896-6000 for Metro Manila and Metro Cebu or email your subscription request here.
Factual errors? Contact the Philippine Daily Inquirer's day desk. Believe this article violates journalistic ethics? Contact the Inquirer's Reader's Advocate. Or write The Readers' Advocate:
c/o Philippine Daily Inquirer Chino Roces Avenue corner Yague and Mascardo Streets, Makati City, Metro Manila, Philippines Or fax nos. +63 2 8974793 to 94
Advertisement

News

  • Businesswoman allegedly killed by husband, brother-in-law
  • Roxas suspended from golf club for outburst over P5,000 guest fee
  • SC reschedules oath-taking of new lawyers
  • Ex-COA chief seeks bail after arrest for plunder
  • Aquino expects more from new Air Force chief ‘since I know him so well’
  • Sports

  • Guiao fined P100,000 for ‘mongoloid’ comment vs Meralco forward
  • Hawks and Grizzlies revel in home wins
  • Floyd: Manny’s power gone
  • Michael Phelps loses to Lochte in comeback meet
  • Sharapova advances to Stuttgart quarterfinals
  • Lifestyle

  • ‘Recovered’ Banksy works on display ahead of sale
  • Marinduque: Visiting the ‘palm of the ocean’
  • First at Vatican in 60 years
  • How Jing Monis Salon gave Krissy the pixie
  • Want to be a supermodel? Work on your inner beauty, says Joey Espino
  • Entertainment

  • Paul McCartney to play at Candlestick concert
  • Kristoffer Martin: from thug to gay teen
  • Has Ai Ai fallen deeply with ‘sireno?’
  • California court won’t review Jackson doctor case
  • Cris Villonco on play adapted from different medium
  • Business

  • PAL hailed for ban on shark fin cargo
  • BSP to change tint of P100 bill
  • Nielsen sees car buying boom in the Philippines
  • How author of best-seller exposed ‘one percent’ economic elite
  • Bangko Sentral readies new bank lending rules
  • Technology

  • Cloud strength helps Microsoft earnings top Street
  • Vatican announces hashtag for April 27 canonizations
  • Enrile in Masters of the Universe, Lord of the Rings?
  • Top Traits of Digital Marketers
  • No truth to viral no-visa ‘chronicles’
  • Opinion

  • Corruption not invincible after all
  • Editorial Cartoon, April 25, 2014
  • No deal, Janet
  • Like making Al Capone a witness vs his gang
  • MERS-CoV and mothers
  • Global Nation

  • Plane lands at Bali airport in suspected hijacking—Indonesia air force
  • Obama lands in Seoul as N. Korea nuclear test fears grow
  • Militant protests vs Obama, US set
  • Filipinos second-shortest in Southeast Asia
  • China welcomes PH apology
    Marketplace