Among the couples I sought to hear from, it was the husbands, even the normally outspoken ones, who were surprisingly Valentine-shy, their need for privacy in this case almost desperate.
“My husband is a very private person,” the wives of the shy guys begged off, implying they were not necessarily reticent themselves, but were deferring to their partners all the same.
Wives and husbands thus forever hold their peace.
Other wives refused for reasons that, if true, would be understandable:
“Never celebrated Valentine’s Day, never will!”
“You don’t want us, we’re too corny for words!”
“Unromantic to the bone, that’s us!”
They seem happy couples, all the same, although Valentine’s Day for them simply is no big deal. At any rate, some seniors are just grateful they still have someone to not celebrate Valentine’s Day with.
For those who have responded to our little survey, whatever Valentine’s Day may have come to mean for them, here’s what they have to say:
Going on 52
Rene and Celia Barrientos
“We’ve been married 51 years!” Celia beams.
“Going on 52—it seems like only yesterday,” adds Rene, a retired Philippine Airlines pilot, a graduate of the US Air Force flying school, the youngest in his class.
Rene was not only a member of the world-renowned Blue Diamonds, Celia is proud to say, “he occupied the center position which is reserved for the smoothest pilot.”
Celia was introduced to him by her cousin, who was also a pilot, at a dance on Foundation Day at Basa Air Base. Eight months later, they were married.
“Ours was a quick romance,” Celia says.
Rene pulls out an old photo of Celia, as if to show why he decided so quickly, “Look at her here, with the four kids already.”
“We still exchange Valentine gifts,” Celia says. “But Valentine’s Day has now become a family affair—all children and grandchildren included. So, how can we forget? In fact, our own children themselves planned our 50th wedding anniversary celebration, at Discovery Shores in Boracay, from breakfast to the formal dinner on the beach. Just us and our four children and five grandchildren. They even had special T-shirts made. For the formal dinner, we changed into long gowns, although we remained barefoot in the sand.”
“The grandchildren prepared a short musical for us,” says Rene. “Three granddaughters live in London, whom we visit and who visit us yearly. I call them my ‘English dolls.’ Aniya, 14, played the violin, and Yasmina, 9, the guitar, and the rest sang our favorite song, ‘Today.’ They had been practicing via Skype.”
Excellent tennis players themselves, they are the proud parents of the All-American from Louisiana State University, the former junior No. 1—Felix Barrientos.
“Felix’s two sons—only 10 and 8—just beat us at doubles. What keeps us together is our love of sports, particularly, tennis,” Celia says and Rene adds, “among other things.”
No secret formula
Gus and Tes Lagman
“Gus and I have been married for 46 years,” says Tes. “We have four children—two girls and two boys—and five grandchildren—one boy and four girls.
“We don’t really have any secret formula,” Gus says. “We have stayed together because there’s mutual respect, we don’t quarrel over money (not much to quarrel about, anyway) and we both have a sense of humor. I would like to add that the virtue of patience is important, too.”
“I think it’s also worth mentioning that we both love to read, watch movies and plays, dance, and travel, always together,” says Tes.
“Regarding Valentine’s Day, we have sometimes celebrated it with other couples, but if nothing is organized, the two of us just have a quiet dinner somewhere near to avoid the traffic.”
Sense of humor
Leo and Cherrypie Lazatin
“I don’t think Leo and I ever did anything differently from anyone else, but, yes, we’ve been blessed,” Cherrypie says. “But it’s all grace, everything comes from grace.
“Neither one of us is a gift-giver—I don’t think so. My mom taught me not to depend on my husband for lujo. She told me, ‘Get it yourself.’”
“We do all our shopping together when we travel. Once when we were in a jewelry store and I was admiring a particular set, I asked Leo what he thought I should get, the earrings or the ring, and he replied, ‘Why not both?’
“I think we went on one Valentine date at Manila Hotel, and then never again all these 44 years. The traffic even then had been awful. We’ve since stayed home, as on New Year’s Eve.
“Sense of humor is important. I was Leo’s comic relief, and he was my Valium.”
Alluding to her retired general surgeon, now busy developing his family interests in his home province, Cherrypie says, “But you know what, nade-develop din pala ang sense of humor…
“We didn’t box each other in; each pursued different interests, and I’m convinced that’s what led us to parallel growth.”
Everyday flirting
Chito and Mariel Francisco
“Valentine who?” asks Mariel Francisco, wife to Chito for 42 years, with four children and four grandchildren.
“Pardon the irreverence,” she quickly adds. “We have been Valentine heretics for most of our married lives, and relish having gotten out of the box early. Now it tickles me to hear Chito spouting 70-year-old wisdom-and-compassion:
‘Awww…I feel sorry for young lovers who are trapped in this commercial plot. There are so many other days when you can go out on a date, why choose this most frightening one, when traffic is at its worst and your favorite restaurants are fully booked?’
“Things were not even this bad yet when we decided V-Day didn’t mean anything to us so we quit celebrating it. Well, on one memorable occasion a group of us did try to honor Love by doing something special with our spouses. The guys cooked the steaks with all the flair of chefs and served us with great flourish. That was fun! You bet it died a natural death before it could become a yearly tradition.
“So how do we get our kilig without the chocolates and roses? The truth is, ehem, Chito always sends me gorgeous flowers on my birthday and our wedding anniversary.
“But it’s the everyday flirting that makes sparks light up the cold and dark nights: When I lament, ‘I’m so fat!’ and he counters ‘No, you’re not!’ When he glances at me dressing up for a party and teases, ‘Hey, people might mistake me for your father!’ And I shoot back, ‘You look pretty dashing yourself!’ and bring a shy smile to his face.”
“Nah, I never managed to squeeze out an ‘I love you’ from him all these 42 years—not even on Valentine’s Day!”
‘We avoid drama’
Tony and Evelyn Roces
“Tony and I are simple folks. There’s been no drama in our love life,” says Evelyn, as though it might disappoint people.
“Let’s put it this way,” adds Tony, laughing, “we avoid drama, we don’t need any of that!”
“Just loving each other forever in a quiet way,” says Evelyn.
Forever for them officially began in 1974.
“Tony has a big heart and when the two kids came, it got bigger, when the two granddaughters came, wow, it got even bigger!”
“Valentine’s Day is supposed to remind us to do something for our loved ones, but it has become too commercial,” Tony complains. “We still go out by ourselves, to movies and quick dinners, but very seldom now. These days, when we go out it’s the whole shebang, I mean, with everybody, whether to the beach or to Hong Kong or around the region, or just here—when we could get everybody together.”
“But on Valentine’s, we usually don’t eat out; there’s just too many people in restaurants,” says Evelyn.
“Oh yes, we do get to go out, just the two of us,” Tony laughs. “That’s whenever Evelyn has a fixation—when she suddenly needs to get something for her condo—herbs and whatnot—or something urgent for her paintings, eh, di syempre bitbit ako.
“Sometimes we like to go for some deja vous in old Chinatown. We lived in Castro St., near La Salle, Taft, for some time, and we used to frequent the place, and have many memories.”
I ask, Tony, a first cousin, if he was still as demonstrative as I remember him to be. And without hesitation, he replies, “Yeah, I’m a hugger… I still like to hold hands.”
“He’s always been that way,” says Evelyn.
As for Valentine gifts, she says, “Tony is not a shopper, he just lets me get what I want, but I always tell him first.”
Finally, Tony speaks for both of them: “We’re both sure we married the right one, and we just try to do what’s good for each other.”
