Dear Emily,

I am 51 years old and a widow.  My husband, who died some years ago, was a very strict, conservative guy. In fact, he was my first kiss until we got married. I had a very problematic childhood to the point that all my feelings were not quite expressed. Now, I feel freedom. I have online lovers who just stay there—online.

After my husband’s death, I got obsessed with porn. It became my pastime and leisure time. I then pleasured myself so frequently that I felt guilty so much and would go to confession. But then I’d do it again.

Is something wrong with me? Is my sex drive abnormal? I’ve had no sex life for years now. I am also scared of sleeping with other men.  -NICOLE

Aren’t you in the least bit happy that you’ve been freed from the shackles of a conservative husband, a clearly unhappy marriage, and a childhood so traumatized that has consumed your adulthood? At 51, celebrate being able to fly on a whim, and not held down by emotional chains that have caused you  unhappiness.

There’s nothing wrong with you. Nothing that has harmed anybody.   Nothing wrong with following your desires and obsessions—in private.   Who is there to wag a finger and berate you? Who is lurking behind a keyhole and watching your every move? Who cares what you’re doing, again, in private?

And why the guilty feeling and the need even to go to confession?   Is the God you believe in pea-brained? Isn’t it written in the Bible, “Let he who has not committed sin, cast the first stone?” Who are the people you hang out with? If you have to walk on eggshells talking with them—where they watch every word you say, judge you—they’re not friends. They’re useless boulders along your way tat you have to avoid at all costs.

So, you’re complaining you haven’t had a sex life for a while?   How can you when your lovers are in cyberspace! Socialize. Let someone find you in person, and court you, and make you fall in love. Allow yourself to bloom. Do something productive. Rid yourself of whatever obstacles are crowding your mind.

You’re 51! How far down the road will you go before you live the life you’re now free to pursue? Stop looking to the past. You’re free at last!

E-mail [email protected] or [email protected].