He feels guilty about having another family in secret
I am in a hot situation. I have been married for 10 good years. I was an OFW in a construction company abroad. I traveled a lot outside the country and had to leave my family at home.
Being away for long periods of time, I met a woman and had two children with her; one is 4, and the other, 2 years old. I am now back home working with a local company. I feel guilty about always hiding and calling my other family overseas.
How can I break this news to my wife? I love her very much and I don’t want to lose her. I know what I have done is wrong.
You’re only human to feel homesick, alone, lonely, sad, vulnerable. With all these frailties whirling round your head, you’re only being human and justified to indulge yourself in that vital need— the company of a woman.
It is perfectly understandable! Aren’t you, after all made of flesh and bone and desires? You were being at your weakest then, and would be forgiven in sating this urgency.
But, couldn’t you have bought condoms along? Didn’t your supply last long enough? Had the stores around you run out?
Didn’t you go abroad to provide your wife and family the necessities and luxuries you’ve dreamed for them to enjoy?
Surely, she will be the first to understand the gaping hole your separation from her made you suffer.
She really would! You’re not being judged here, but you were far enough from gossipy eyes and had the liberty to do as you pleased.
But did you have to have souvenirs from your infidelities to her?
The first child could have been a really bad accident. Your wife might still find that sliver of love in her heart and forgive you for that one mistake. But having a second kid? Isn’t that quite unconscionable to poke at her heart once more?
If you were in your wife’s shoes, wouldn’t you see red yourself, go ballistic and think murder? Were you never coming home ever to this wife you say you’d hate to lose—the reason for the temerity of having these kids—or is the other woman just as beloved in your heart?
You sure are in deep water —if what you feel about your wife is true. There’s no other way to tell her about your other family than going straight for the jugular.
Confess to her as truthfully but as gently as you possibly can, all the while assuring her that you’ve never un-loved her while being with the other woman.
Make her understand that the other life you had just reflected the weakness of your resolve, nothing else.
Though it’s too late for regrets, or to undo anything at this time, give her the assurance that that unfortunate experience has only made you see clearly how valuable your relationship with her is, and how you can only strive to be a more steadfast husband and father.
Telling a woman you love her over and over and sincerely walking the talk may save your marriage. These mere words thrown in the wind could melt the hardest of hearts—your wife’s included. She might even forgive and throw into oblivion what a jerk you were—eventually.
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