For some reason I’ve never forgotten this poem by an anonymous poet. I had come across it as a young romantic girl, and at no time has its message become so urgent as now.
Its message: Love, indeed, is an active verb in the present tense. Here’s the theme-setting first stanza:
If you’re ever going to love me,
Love me now when I am living,
Do not wait ’til I am gone
And then chisel it in marble
Warm love words on ice cold stone.
Wasted opportunities
People tend to take their sweet time expressing their love, as though time were a luxury. In matters especially of love, opportunities are a huge fortune to waste.
Seniors, despite constant reminders of the ticking of their personal clocks, particularly with legs that can hardly keep in step with it, default themselves. Possibly it’s precisely because they refuse to be reminded of how less and less time they have.
In fact, time calls for a practical and urgent resetting of priorities.
For us seniors, it’s no longer about going after accomplishments, no longer about shooting for financial targets; we’re way past that. We are coasting on residual energy, residual finances, residual everything, whether we realize it or not.
Where, then, does the urgency lie? It lies in love, especially in this season.
But it’s love that has gone beyond the romantic kind. Those of us who still have our spouses are doubly blessed, but our own time will come, and when it does come, those left behind will need moral support and guidance from those who have gone through such a loss.
Meanwhile, it’s all right to miss the loved one on this day. Missing someone, I learned late in life, is just another way of loving, just as there are many other kinds of love, the loss of which at any age is no less painful.
Regretful
Younger cousin Maribel recently shared her feelings by e-mail. A dear friend, classmate and neighbor of many years, Pat, had passed away, leaving her distraught and regretful. Even before she could put together former classmates for prayers and a Mass for Pat’s well-being, her condition took a sudden turn for the worse, calling for emergency treatment.
As soon as word reached her, Maribel placed an interstate call to Pat’s husband, Allan, to alert him that she was flying to be with Pat.
Such was Maribel’s love and friendship. Upon learning that Pat’s illness had imposed no dietary restrictions, she had ordered steaks, pork chops, etc., and sent them by mail, but her gift didn’t make it in time, either. And a snowstorm stopped her from flying.
“I am deeply saddened that my friend is gone forever and all my attempts to let her know while she was still alive that she was loved came too late,” she said.
Prayers, Mass and other religious expressions of faith may have been atypical requests coming from the more liberal-minded Maribel herself but, as she explained, “All this was for Pat. I didn’t want it done after she was gone. I wanted her to know she was loved now. If she survived, I’d have liked her to live the rest of her life knowing how much she was loved.”
She is right, of course. In the end, it’s all about love. And Maribel has one of the biggest hearts I know.
Urgency
And then there’s cousin Josie, the same age as my firstborn, Gia. She lost an older sister, Ces, to cancer just over a year ago, too young at 56. Here’s an excerpt of her message, occasioned by Ces’ passing, about love and the urgency of making it known to loved ones:
“Life indeed is short, and we know not when our time is up. The last few weeks have taught us to be kinder to each other and to be ever grateful for all that is present in our lives. In honor of Ces, we ask that you take a look at all the people you hold dear. Today, let them know that you love them. A kind word, a thoughtful gesture, a look of tenderness, they all go a long way. Today, send that card or e-mail, make that phone call, give a no-occasion present, do someone a favor without being asked, pay a visit to someone special and have the courage to say what is in your heart.
“For in the end, only three things will remain: faith, hope and love; and the greatest of these is love.”
Let’s make each day Valentine’s Day!
