DEAR EMILY,
My daughter was never into looks or money when it comes to men. She has a master’s degree in economics, and just wanted someone interesting who’d care deeply about her.
She dated a few in college, most of them handsome; almost all had no money. The only boyfriend she thought was “the one” broke her heart and left her after five years of dating—for a younger, more beautiful officemate.
She met someone shortly after and eventually married him. He was never her type—short and pudgy—but very intelligent, at the top of his class. He was not rich, but he was very ambitious.
Not long after, he was getting employed in a blue-chip company and his promotions were fast. He was pirated by another company and assigned abroad. They lived a life of comfort and, with their kids, traveled the world in the style and means we could only dream of.
We ourselves couldn’t have traveled or experienced any such luxury, were it not for the generosity of my daughter and son-in-law. We were given a steady allowance, and this enabled us to fix our house, buy a small farm, and pay hospital bills without the need for insurance. They made our lives very comfortable.
Eighteen years into their marriage, my daughter suddenly changed. She stopped traveling with her husband, turned her back on socializing and shopping, and became this very simple person. She studied farming and baking seriously in this country where they were assigned.
We wouldn’t have guessed what was happening until her brother, my son and our daughter’s best friend, let it slip out and said innocently that our comfortable days were numbered. His sister and her husband were getting divorced.
My daughter, he said, got bored with her husband, who, I must admit, despite his utmost generosity, only knew the words “I, me and myself.”
That was a year ago. They’ve separated properties and my daughter, given her pride, is not getting any alimony, though her children are well-supported by her husband. She is financially on her own. Her ex-husband has found a new love and is about to marry soon.
There is no turning back. I am about to go into this long-term medical treatment and, suddenly, I have to look for other means to pay for it. I just wish we saved most of the money given us in those years of abundance, instead of investing in useless, expensive business schemes that all went down the drain, anyway.
REGRETFUL
Isn’t 20-20 hindsight such a fact! Wouldn’t you wish your long “Christmas” from them never ended?
Life is truly in constant flux, and regrets are now coming down in torrents.
Reset your lives and rethink how you can cope with this totally radical and unexpected change.
You probably should reconsider going the route of natural healing instead of clinging to those high-end treatments you’ve been used to, so as not to drive yourselves early to the poorhouse. You might discover they’re better and less harmful than the toxic chemicals peddled vociferously by the big pharmas.
And hurray for your daughter, who, despite having a comfortably high-end marriage—till kingdom come, if she so wished—turned her back on all that. Such guts!
Obviously she didn’t heed the saying, “I’ve been rich, I’ve been poor—I like rich!” She knew she wouldn’t be suffering the fate of some empty-headed trophy wives—having a master’s degree to fall back on, for heaven’s sake!
Being bored is the worst feeling an intelligent person can be saddled with, truth to tell. Sure, she had the means, and could have indulged herself in the pursuit of a more exciting, fulfilling and interesting life. But, she probably thought she’d still have her boring husband at the end of the day.
She just said enough is enough. Leading her own life became nonnegotiable. She just had to let go—regardless of the consequences.
Your family who greatly benefited from their largesse will suffer the most financial damage, clearly.
But such is life. It truly is inexplicable!
E-mail [email protected] or [email protected]
