DEAR Emily,
My boyfriend and I have been on since middle of last year. We’re 31 and both CPAs.
What attracted me to him was his quiet demeanor and pleasing personality.
He said what caught his eye was my free spirit (attitude) and helpfulness around the office. He said everyone had a good thing to say about me.
Recently, I noticed that he has been inviting me to go to church with him on Saturdays before going out for dinner. When it became more frequent, I asked him nicely to just pick me up after he’d gone to Mass.
He looked surprised but did it anyway. During the week, we had a talk about religion. He told me his family is very religious. They all go to Mass every Sunday and every first Friday of the month, and pray the rosary together every night. He said he wants to maintain that family habit when he gets married.
I told him that my family is very spiritual but not religious. We’re not church-goers. When my father was still alive, he was a stickler for utmost courtesy to everyone—young, old, rich, poor.
He expected his four children to be kind, respectful, and giving—no matter how little we had in our pockets.
My father and mother belonged to different religious denominations but never forced us to go to any. My dad said that saying “thank you for all our blessings” before we slept was the only prayer we should never forget.
My boyfriend said his mother cannot accept anybody in her family who didn’t go to church or had different religious beliefs. That was when I knew it was the end of us. I felt dejected and hurt.
It was best that this came out before we got more serious. I know he loves me. I am just disappointed that what we felt for each was not enough to see us through.
Why do parents meddle in their children’s affairs?
KHRIS
Religion is a very contentious issue in any relationship. Especially so if it is practiced devoutly and zealously by one but not the other. It is said that there are two subjects one should never get into—religion and politics. There are just no winners here.
When you’re in a relationship, both parties have their families tagging along them, like it or not. There are these invisible strings that are tied around each other that decide, restrict and define who and what they really are.
That also answers your question on why parents meddle in their children’s affairs. Their values and beliefs are so ingrained into their very core, it’ll take long separations and massive reeducation to change them.
Religion is between you and what you believe in. There’s nothing wrong with loving your BF and not following his faith. You’re just not together on the same page.
To you, religion is very personal, which nobody, not even someone special like your boyfriend, can infringe on. You go into a relationship not to convert or change the other person into something you want. You enter it because you saw something that will complement both your own unique personalities.
To bend to whatever the other wants may break the other person in the end—and that’s not good to anyone.
Celebrate your individual personalities and take pride in your own values and beliefs, religion included. Someone out there will cherish finding you someday, someplace.
This is not the right time.
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