Dear Emily,

 

Seems like the best of my many worlds are in contradiction for what I am planning in my life.

 

Here are my issues: three children in college from a long-ago annulled first marriage;   I am the fourth child in our family, and the business we’re in is my bread and butter;  and a boyfriend of more than five years based abroad wants me to move in with him.  Trouble is, the country he’s in is having an economic downturn, and his own job is not secure.

 

I am now at a crossroads, and confused as to what long-term plan to follow.

 

If I stay in the family business, my children will have security, but eventually, will have lives of their own and possibly leave.  My parents will be secure, as well, and they will be able to pass on the baton to their heirs.

 

These will cost me my love life.  Or will they?

 

Sharon

 

 

 

 

So, what’s the problem again?

The question of you staying on in your family business to make sure your children and parents will have security will have no bearing on your decision to move in with your boyfriend or not.  It looks like your business is thriving anyway, and we’re not talking here about children who are toddlers, or parents who are infirm. Your children are all in college and are assumed to be mature enough to tackle any eventuality.  Why make babies of these grown people?  And after they’ve all flown the nest,  or pass on, in the case of your parents, you’ll be all alone one way or another, like it or not.

 

If you have a lot of what ifs  over the financial predicament of your boyfriend, which is obviously triggering your insecurity, tell you what: nothing in life is carved in stone.  You just have to go head-on and see what fate is bringing you.  If you think there’s a map that will show you the road to Shangri-La, tell me where to buy it, as I am as interested as you are.

 

Most everything is a leap of faith.  Treat the unknown as an adventure.  As fun.  As something whose outcome could be a wonderful surprise.  Does that thought seduce you to go for it?

 

You’re a big girl now.  You just have to trust your guts.  A problem is only a problem if you have no choices.

 

([email protected] or [email protected])