Dear Emily,

I am a 23-year-old virgin and have never had boyfriend. Now, I am caught in a dilemma.

I met this guy four months ago and we connected instantly, communicating often via SMS and Facebook. Sometimes, we’d even go out for dinner. He is so different from my other male friends. Friends assumed I was in love with him.

One night, he invited me to his house for a movie marathon. He knew I was a virgin, and he kept his promise that he wouldn’t take that away from me. But something happened that shouldn’t have.

A couple of days later, I felt something had changed between us. He stopped sending me funny memes the way he often did, and his replies to my texts got shorter.

It breaks my heart that I’ve lost a friend. I’ve been advised I shouldn’t text or chat with him, to regain my self worth. But a part of me wants to. I’ve deactivated my Facebook account, which this guy questioned within 30 minutes of my doing so.

I wanted to reply so bad, but my friends stopped me.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do so we can be crazy and comfortable again together.
Virgin at 23

It seems you’re proud that at 23, you’ve remained a virgin. But you know in your gut that that “concept” is now only a myth. Something has already happened between you and the guy to dispute that—except for the actual “touchdown.”

Could he have felt guilty or frustrated or bewildered after the fact? How else can you explain the sudden change in his behavior? He probably couldn’t take the responsibility of going all the way with you, and “breaking the ice,” so to speak, without offering at least some kind of commitment—when he knew he wasn’t ready for it.

It seems he’s now in a quagmire and has decided to lie low, keep quiet and act like nothing happened. You know, allow what happened to waft away into the void.

And as for you, just because you’ve remained a “virgin” in theory doesn’t make it so. Somewhere along the way, wouldn’t you concede that you’ve lost the innocence of the virginity you’re touting?

You don’t know what to do, you lament? Bear in mind that if he had any sliver of interest in you, there’s nothing to stop him from pursuing you, night or day. You cannot hide from him, and no deactivation from any social network can deter him from getting to you—if he puts his mind to it. Men are born hunters.

Let him move on, as you yourself should. Try not to focus on him too much. What will happen, will happen. Just go with the flow.
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