This is the first Ramadan that I am observing with a heavy heart and an enraged mind.

As a 21-year-old Muslim, I have always greeted the first day of this holy month—the ninth month of the Islamic calendar, a time Muslims fast from dawn to sunset—with a grateful, happy outlook.

When news broke out about the clashes between government troops and the Maute group in Marawi City, I was dumbfounded, as I hadn’t moved on from the explosion that happened at Ariana Grande’s concert in Manchester.

I couldn’t sleep well— thinking of all my friends, families disturbed, persons killed, and houses and school buildings damaged in the city. And just like anyone who has experienced conflict, I found it hard to fully take in what was happening to Mindanao, my first home.

I grew up and finished my undergraduate studies in Zamboanga City, and I also spent a few childhood years in Davao. Now I am working in one of Metro Manila’s crucial newsrooms—the Inquirer.

Trauma

Looking at photos and videos of families, senior citizens and innocent children fleeing their beloved Marawi City was not easy. It reminded me of the trauma I and people in Zamboanga felt in September 2013, when rebels from the Moro National Liberation Front’s (MNLF) Nur Misuari faction attacked barangays Rio Hondo, Sta. Barbara, Sta. Catalina and Mariki.

Although our home was about five to six kilometers from the war zone, my parents and I could still hear some echoed explosions. My sadness doubled when I saw the difficult situation (hunger, heat, heavy rain) besetting the displaced people in evacuation centers and tents, when my friends and I volunteered to help in relief operations.

Leaving the home of your childhood is difficult, especially if the reason is a search for sanctuary. Your house is like a best friend and protector. When you go away, a part of you stays in the walls and every part of it.

The home sees and embraces everything in you that not all people see.

My anger peaked when I saw photos of dead bodies of innocent civilians lying on grassy areas and streets in Marawi.

Surely their families or children are grieving and trying to comprehend the unbelievable reality the city—and the country—is facing.

Why would the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (Isis) followers and member wannabes attack people in an “Islamic city” when they claim that they themselves are Muslims?

The Maute and Abu Sayyaf groups may admire Isis and whatever it represents, but are they really sure that their espousal of terrorism is worth it?

The fact is, Isis and other terrorist groups recruit members via the internet—young and old, men and women—by instilling in them an ideology: that they have a choice to escape the injustices they have experienced by embracing the way of the gun or violence as a way of life; that the gun is the only power they need to get ahead in life; that in terror groups, they find a sense of belonging and brotherhood; that to be an Isis member is to be the best Muslim.

In a study conducted last year by peace-building organization International Alert, poverty and lack of job opportunities were identified as main drivers for young Syrians to join Isis.

Prostitution

Choosing to be a terrorist as a last resort to survive or advance a cause can thus be likened to prostitution as the last means of living for poor and marginalized women. It is like resorting to the death penalty when government officials think all other ways to deter crime have been proven ineffective. The endgame is supposed to be a better world for Muslims to live in—free from “nonbelievers.”

However, terrorism does no more than catch the attention of authorities and instill fear among people. As long as there is terrorism, Muslims will be discriminated against, even if some of them are peace-loving, as how Muslims should be in the first place.

Differences

It is natural for us to have differences, but it does not mean we should always focus on them. And many public officials are not gullible enough to give in to all the demands of a certain group just because they beheaded a person. Killing innocent people is not at all necessary and effective in achieving a better world.

To the young men and women attracted to joining terror groups and fighting for “utopian” ideologies, please think twice, because your future can be brighter than you think. And it is always better to choose life instead of violence and death for yourself and for the people around you.

At the same time, people in the government should do their part in giving everyone his/her due, regardless of age, gender or religion, as a constant rule of justice. They should not protect or connive with terrorists for selfish interests and get a share of the ransom money. Otherwise, terrorism will forever haunt our children’s children.