Her one-night stand left a souvenir

DEAR EMILY,

On my way to process papers to work abroad, I met a guy I asked directions from. We dated a couple of times, and on our last date, we got drunk and he brought me to his place. Things started to happen, and I allowed what he was doing to me.

We didn’t see each other after that. After three weeks, I had amenorrhea and found out I was pregnant. I contacted him immediately, and found out he was married! I was shocked and just said goodbye.

I didn’t know what to do.

I decided to keep the baby. I tried contacting him for support, especially nearing my term, but he gave me false hopes. I ended having to support myself alone.

I am thankful that my family forgave and supported me all throughout. My colleagues were very helpful, too.

I have a good-paying job here, and was given a chance to work abroad. I am very thankful that my employer here still accepted me, despite my resignation early on.

My son is now 10 months old. He is very healthy and a happy baby. My parents are taking care of him in our province, while I am working here in Manila.

Should I demand financial support from him? I don’t want to be a homewrecker, but I didn’t know he was married, with a 2-year-old son. He is not acknowledging paternity, because he said it only happened once. I remember everything he did.

Though it was consensual sex, I am angry at myself for doing it. What can I do to raise my self esteem and move on with my life completely?

ROSE OF MANILA

It was a one-night stand, my dear girl. He wasn’t even your boyfriend, period. You just met this complete stranger in the hallway, and liked him enough to fool around with him for the night.

I hate to add insult to injury, but how could you not have protected yourself in this very permissible day and age? What were you thinking? How heavy is a condom to carry? Was there even a sliver of interest in him to ask about your middle name or your favorite color? And how unfortunate are you to hook up with a stupid jerk who thinks he cannot possibly be the father because you only had sex once? How many times does a person need to swallow arsenic to prove it’s poison?

Despite his obvious non-stellar qualities, do you honestly think it fair to subject this stranger to a lifetime financial commitment to this souvenir of a one-night stand? Did he promise you a rose garden? Was there a commitment to an ever after? Or did he put a gun to your head to make you succumb? Truly now, weren’t you two just looking for a roll in the hay—a one time, good time?

You may go to the Family Court near you and state your claim against this guy. You can sue him for paternity, but if he refuses and transforms it into a “she says, he says” scenario, are you ready to invest time and money in DNA tests?

Not to belittle your case, but won’t you be taking away the precious time of busy lawyers and investigators at Family Court—who are engaged in truly gut-wrenching ordeals of suffering families—to take care of a problem brought about by a fling?

There are many nuisance litigations that are crowding the already swamped legal system, and you wouldn’t want to end up making a fool of yourself, would you? Bottom line: this court may not be very sympathetic to this no-strings-attached relationship.

Don’t be too hard on yourself anymore. What happened to you happens often. After all, who can resist that heavenly feeling of being desired and pursued, and have someone look in your eyes with so much longing (translation: lust)—but sadly, with nary a word about tomorrow!

You want to improve your self-esteem? Forget the cad and shut your mind to any contact with him. Consider having just gone to a sperm bank and met the anonymous donor face to face. That’s not so far from the truth, anyway. Live the life you wish with your beautiful baby, and continue with your plans to move to greener pastures.

That one night was truly a regrettable hiccup in your life. Nevertheless, it gave you the gift of a beautiful child, who will now be sharing thousands of incomparable days and nights, with you. What a trade-off!

E-mail emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com—Subject: Lifestyle.