Single yet happyBy Gideon Isidro
“Honey, I’m home!” The guy opens the door, where he is welcomed by a sweet jar of honey (from Forever Alone Comic.com).
Forever Alone Guy may be someone we always laugh about, but the humor ends when we realize we might be laughing at ourselves—when we find ourselves in his position, alone, especially nearing Valentine’s Day. Concerned people ask questions like, “Any plans on the 14th?” or “Who are you going to celebrate Valentine’s with?” Well, we’ll be “celibating” on the 14th, all right!
Being “Forever Alone” doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be forever lonely.
“It’s definitely possible to be single and happy,” says Kat Gorordo, a graduating student of DLSU who wants to study Law. “Happiness is not based on circumstance, but rather on choice. One may choose to be proactive about singleness and celebrate it, rather than be reactive and sulk in a corner. It’s all about perspective,” she says.
“Happiness doesn’t lie in being romantically involved,” says Ann Luna, a graduate student of UP and a church guitarist. “Happiness is all around us, if we would just look to appreciate it,” she says.
Blessed while single
Louie Adelene Yao, a Fashion Design and Merchandising student of De La Salle-College of Saint Benilde, has a positive way of looking at singlehood. “Enjoy being single! It’s a blessing,” she says.
Luna agrees. She explains that singleness is a very special period in someone’s life. “It should not be consumed with frantically ‘looking for the right one,’ especially when you know you aren’t ready yourself,” she says.
“It is such a precious stage in our lives that we could spend on focusing on our family, career and selves—things we would have less time and concentration doing once we get into a relationship,” she says.
“Being single is actually a good thing!” says Gorordo. She believes there are a lot of things a single person might miss out on when confined to a relationship.
“There’s more to life than meeting the perfect guy who will sweep you off your feet,” she says. She also firmly believes that life doesn’t revolve around romantic relationships.
If single, Yao tells young people to focus on their studies, as well as spending time with family and friends.
It’s also a good way to invest in your other relationships in life. For Gorordo, it is best to invest in one’s relationships with family, relatives and friends.
“Once you’re married, you’ll have to focus on the exclusivity of your romantic relationship and won’t be able to focus on other people anymore,” she says.
“And who says we need a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day, when we have lots of love from the people around us?” says Yao.
Single people can also take their single stage in their lives as a period of preparing for the future relationship—for instance, aiming to be financially stable, focusing on one’s talent and strengthening one’s career.
“Take time to assess which activities you’ll fill your life with to prepare yourself,” she says.
Assess your heart, not just activities
Gorordo cautions using such activities as a way to drown loneliness. “Activities are good, but occupying yourself can just mask the real problem,” she says.
“There’s this saying: ‘The heart of the matter is the matter of the heart.’ Before you do all these activities, you have to understand first what your heart needs and wants, then when you’re done assessing what you need, that’s when you fix it,” she says.
Understanding your heart may involve asking yourself questions like “Why am I looking for a relationship?” “Why do I have these longings?” A guy who comes from a broken family might realize he wants a girlfriend simply because he wants the love of a family. A girl may discover she feels very lonely because nobody understands her.
In these cases, both of them would have to pause and realize the real sources of the problem. They would have to look for the appropriate solutions, like finding nonromantic relationships to fill the gaps.
“The best way for us to be not only ‘happy’ but to have lasting joy is to have a relationship with God,” says Luna. She believes everything else will follow when we are “in love” with God.
Gorordo surrenders matters of her heart to the “Ultimate Author of Love, Jesus.” “The more you know Him, the more you would understand His heartbeat. And through that, you become fully aware of how He wants to write your love story. From there, you can take the course that He has prepared specifically for you and your significant other,” she says.
Singleness can really be a blessing if we look at it from a right perspective, do the right stuff and hang out with the right people.
Try to spend your Valentine’s with God, or with other people who matter—family, friends, and even pets—who unconditionally love you. And that definitely surpasses the bliss of the day.