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Emily’s Post

Her husband is flirting with a Facebook friend



I’ve been married two years, but my husband and I are living separately due to our work. He is in Manila while I am in the Visayas.  We’ve actually had this arrangement for three years, even before we got married. We were okay with this setup until last year.

That July, my husband asked me to open his Facebook account and play one of the games there.  I had a look at his message inbox and discovered the chat messages he had with a girl. In one of their exchanges, the girl asked why he was up at 4 a.m. My husband’s reply was “thinking of you.”

When I confronted my husband about it, he said it was just meant to be a joke because he couldn’t think of anything better to say. We quarreled but got over it.

On his birthday in August, this same girl asked him if he was going to have a party, to which he replied, “No party. Nobody loves me.” The girl answered, “Many love you, you just don’t know it.” To which he replied, “Where and who are they?”

I could not understand why he had to reply that way. It’s as if he wanted the girl to say something.    This December, I asked my husband if he was still chatting with the girl after the July incident. His reply was “no.” But I know he was lying.

Is my husband cheating on me? Does he harbor feelings other than friendship toward the girl?


Is the Pope catholic?  Of course he is flirting with her.   And in a very sophomoric way, at that!  Are those lines still being used beyond high school?  You’d be blind not to read their flirtation in neon lights.

You two should theoretically still be in your honeymoon stage.  Clearly, you’re comfortable with this together but separated arrangement.  Didn’t you say you were in this state before your marriage?   Could your husband be perpetuating the bachelor mentality he never got out of in spite of this marriage to you?  In a way, why shouldn’t he?  He has the best of both worlds!

You wouldn’t have known his “other” life had he not invited you to peek into it; there must be a compelling reason for asking you to play that “game.”   Is he, in a way, telling you to shape up or ship out?

Are you yourself content with this separation?  Is there no way one of you could join the other and be truly together as man and wife and not only in name? Couldn’t one of you give in and make the sacrifice to be together in one place? How difficult is that?

It’s not like your fortunes are already carved in stone, and the family would take a tremendous beating if anything is changed. You two seem to be still young, and can uproot yourselves and start life anywhere you want.

Instead of laying a strong foundation for your young marriage and working at what will make it succeed, you are focusing on this Internet flirtation.  It could just be his lame excuse for coping with loneliness.  And since you’ve always had this itinerant relationship, there is this tease, this companionship your husband found in cyberspace, who is at his beck and call, at the touch of the keypad, to stoke his ego!

This Facebook flirtation seems to be just the tip of the iceberg and should be the least of your worries now.  There is something gnawing at this marriage, which you should be able to clearly see.

A simple flirtation is usually not so simple.

E-mail emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com, subject: Lifestyle

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Tags: facebook , flirting husband , long-distance relationship , philandering husband

  • tebong inc

    first ask yourself if you are still happy with your man. then ask your man if he is still genuinely happy with your marriage. if u both come to understand that what the both of you want is to be together till death with children then that fb flirting thingie might just be one of those male egoistic acts that usually end up with sexy time as these types of flirting tend to heat up to some point anyways. btw, thats the third thing that you must decide if you would be willing to “lend” ur man to someone else every now and then cuz he seems to want to do these hokey pokey every now and then.

  • Anonymous

    Heto ang classic example of people seeing marriage life as only a piece of paper and/or time spent on the bed….

  • Anonymous

    You just have to accept that flirting is a normal thing for married men. If you say that your man told you that he has never flirted with anybody, you just caused him lie to your face. Man’s emotional outlook towards his partner evolves thru time. If the woman continue to show respect and vouch of confidence towards his man despite his weaknesses as he age, cheating (adultery) or separation will never enter his mind. As he age, he will have emotional insecurities, outbursts, indecisiveness, oblivion, etc etc. You just need to be firm but GENTLE. Never badmouth him in public (family, relatives and friends) and you will keep your man forever.

  • Anonymous

    is there a reason why you can’t be with your husband?  because of work?!  that is not an answer.  WIFE IN LIMBO your husband needs help. . . or you are going to loose him

  • Anonymous

    This incident is no surprise. A marriage relationship can’t mature and is more likely to fall apart when the parties are living apart. The incidence of broken marriages among couples with one party working overseas is for instance significantly higher than among couples living together. This particular marriage is in a similar situation. It is in fact in the early stage of failing, unless, both parties find a way to live together.  

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