DEAR EMILY,
I’m 42 and retired from being an overseas Filipino worker last year. I am financially stable now, thanks to some business and investments I’ve made. I have more or less achieved most of my dreams, except one. I don’t have a child of my own. At 30 and two years into my marriage, we found out that my wife would not be able to bear a child. We ended up adopting a boy who is now 15.
Despite my good job abroad and the chances that came my way, I’ve never cheated on my wife. That was until last year, when I met up with my high school girlfriend. She is a widow with two children who live with her, and has a good job in the US.
Our relationship started in Facebook two years ago. We’ve already met up twice, once abroad and the other when our vacations coincided in Manila. I told her that despite my wife being in and out of hospital now, I have vowed to stick with her.
My problem is this: the girl is asking me to father a child with her. She wants no support from me if ever, and promised to cut off our relations after that. Should I give in to her wish?
—JOHN
John, John, John, what do you want me to tell you? That it’s all right to father the baby of this old girlfriend of yours? Your wife is sick, for goodness sake! Do you honestly, in conscience, think this is a good time to disrespect her and give in to the wishes of this other woman?
Weren’t you yourself proud that you have never cheated on her all your married life, despite the various temptations that came your way? Did you by any chance toy with the idea of leaving your wife when you succumbed to this relationship with your girlfriend last year? Do you really think it’s a good thing to compound this problem of your wife’s sickness with another problem—that is, entertaining thoughts of fathering another woman’s child?
Granting that you’ll give in to her wishes whether for ego or lust, what happens when a child is born and your wife survives her ailment? Will she have to go through another round of heart-wrenching suffering, this time of a different nature? How cruel is that?
You’re a big boy now and surely must have developed enough wisdom to do stuff you think you can live with. How good are you at listening to your conscience and translating what it’s whispering?
Just asking.
Send letters to [email protected] or [email protected], Subject: Lifestyle
