Why do the dead visit the living?By Jaime T. Licauco
Philippine Daily Inquirer
Dear Mr. Licauco,
Thank you for sharing with the rest of the world your wisdom and understanding on the paranormal. My mom and I read your books, which have been really helpful to us. We also follow your articles in PDI and listen to your DZMM radio show every Sunday. Congratulations and more power and blessings to you!
I sometimes see shadows or silhouettes moving in the house, office buildings, etc. and there are rare times I see “real people” like kids running around or a man sitting on his desk in a barong—things like that.
Last year, I accidentally stepped on a dwarf in Greenbelt, and that night, started having rashes all over my body and face. I had to be rushed to the ER the next day. Doctors could not diagnose the cause of my swelling/rashes. I had to resort to an albularyo or espiritista, and that’s when I found out I accidentally stepped on a dwarf while hearing mass in Greenbelt.
Anyway, my question is really about the very recent and unexpected death of a former boyfriend. We were together for only three to four months toward the last quarter of 2007, and we were both at our crossroads. We both decided to go abroad separately. He went to the Middle East, and I to the US. We were still close and in contact until 2008, when we started to drift apart.
To cut the long story short, we became “acquaintances” when we separated physically, and there was a time I got so bitter and angry with him that I told him he was a jerk or an a-hole (can’t recall now, honestly, I seem to have blocked him and that chapter in my life off), and I don’t even remember what he said to me when I said that.
Then our friends told me that he passed away last March 12 in the US after a surfing accident. I felt a mixture of feelings—anger, sadness, shock, grief, pain, regret, guilt. When this was all confirmed, I sent flowers to his wake, and offered daily masses for his soul in the US. Fortunately, he was cremated here in Manila. I went to his wake here two times and the searing question in my head was answered, when his best friend told me that we had something special.
I dreamt of him twice. The first one was after his cremation. He was standing and looking at a wall filled with stuff, and I approached him and talked to him. We looked like we were chit-chatting. I do not recall what we talked about; it was like I was an audience in my dream. However, he looked cool, calm, relaxed.
The second dream was last week. I was inside a store at the mall, and there was this guy at this shop who placed a gold bracelet with charms on my right wrist. While putting it on me, he said “Milton (the deceased) wants you to wear this and said he will talk to you when you’re ready.” I had no reaction in my dream, I was just stoic.
Also, the week he died, my Chapstick on my dresser rolled and dropped to the floor. The other day, my round metal bracelet was flung from the top of the dresser, and rolled under my bed.
Lastly, I find myself being “urged” to visit his crypt on a weekly basis, sometimes twice a week. I don’t mind. I still cry and feel sad when I remember him or visit him. May I know if you think that what I am going through is normal for someone who lost someone? Or do I feel his spirit?
I guess what I am asking is 1) When a person dies unexpectedly, does his soul linger on earth or move on to the next life? 2) Are my “urges” to visit him in his crypt my own subconscious way of making up for my guilt, or is it possible that his soul wants me to visit? 3) Is it a good thing to pray, and to ask Milton that we talk to each other in my dreams?
Thank you so much for your time and help.
I am glad to know that you and your Mom read my books and weekly column, and my Sunday radio program over DZMM Tele-radyo.
Here are my comments on your letter:
1. There is a community of elementals, nature spirits or elves, especially near the back of the church in Greenbelt, Makati.
2. Your story about your relationship with your ex-boyfriend lacks very important details I need to answer your questions more accurately. For example, why did you get bitter or angry with your boyfriend? Why did you call him “a jerk” and an “a-hole”? What did he do to you that made you react that way to him? Another thing not clear is, why do you feel guilty? What did you do that made you feel guilty?
3. You dream about him because he is still earthbound and wants you to know he is alive. He still has not accepted his death. In the second dream, he told you he will talk to you “when you are ready.” He will actually do this as soon as you get over your extreme grief.
4. The paranormal or poltergeist activities you experienced in your room with the Chapstick and bracelet could be his doing, just saying he is still around—or they could also be the work of the nature spirits in Greenbelt who followed you.
The soul does not forget
5. It is normal for lovers and even ex-lovers to experience extreme grief when one dies even if they already parted ways, because the soul does not forget. Spirits communicate with the living in many different ways, involving either the sense of sight, sound, smell, touch, and even sometimes taste.
6. I can’t answer your question on whether your strong urge to visit his crypt weekly is caused by your guilt feelings, unless I know why you feel so guilty now that he is dead. You obviously are not the cause of his death, so I can’t understand this guilt.
7. The length of time a newly departed soul stays on earth depends on his or her state of consciousness. Sometimes it takes only a few days before a soul ascends to the next higher plane. The 40-day period is just a matter of tradition. The Christians adopted this from early Egyptian beliefs about death. Elvis Presley can still be seen in Memphis, Tennessee 35 years after his death. And so are some wellknown historical figures in England and France.
8. Prayers help the dead realize that they are dead. But it is not advisable to call on the spirits of the dead because you only disturb them. If a spirit wants to communicate with you, he will find ways to do it. If he does not, then you can assume he has already accepted his fate and is now in peace.
E-mail email@example.com; visit www.jimmylicauco.com; listen to my radio program on DZMM Tele-radyo every Sunday, 8-9 p.m. Call 8107245 or 0920-981-8962 for questions. The next Basic ESP and Intuition Development Seminar is scheduled on May 12-13, 9 a.m.-5 p.m., at Rm. 308 Prince Plaza I, Legaspi St. Greenbelt, Makati.