Quantcast
Latest Stories

Mama Diaries

Filipino moms speak up: How extreme is extreme?

By

The May 21, 2012, issue of Time Magazine, depicting a mother breastfeeding her standing three-year-old toddler, has caused an uproar worldwide. Breastfeeding advocates are divided: while others claim how long the breastfeeding period lasts is the mother’s prerogative, others insist such children are being set up for dysfunction in the name of “attachment parenting.” Here, Filipino mothers speak their minds on the matter.

Teasing

Marta Luque-Araneta, mother of four

MARTA Luque-Araneta

I recently saw the Time Magazine cover of the breastfeeding mother and her three-year-old child, and thought it was interesting. On one hand, I am a pro-advocate breastfeeding mother; on the other hand, I do see how this could shock a lot of people. There are lots of health benefits to extended breastfeeding, but I believe at some point children may need a little nudge to wean them from you.

I can’t imagine the kind of teasing this poor boy is going to go through, growing up as the “breastfed boy” from Time Magazine. Psychological health is just as important as physical, and unfortunately the poor boy is going to go through a lot of ridicule because of this.

The choice

Lala Gotao-Wong, mother of two

LALA Gotao-Wong

I believe that everything boils down to choosing what is right for your lifestyle and your values as parents and individuals.

Whether it is breastfeeding vs formula feeding, attachment parenting vs non-attachment, co-sleeping vs not co-sleeping, it is really the choice you make for yourself and for your child and family, and what you are most comfortable with as a parent. No one should dictate how you choose to raise your children. At the end of the day, a happy mom is a happy baby. So if you truly hate breastfeeding, no one should crucify you for choosing otherwise.

Breastfeeding beyond one year, again, is really a choice. I personally will not be “willing” to breastfeed beyond a year, only because i don’t feel the need for it, I also want a life beyond nursing and watching what I eat! I believe that bonding with my kids can be achieved in so many other ways aside from nursing.

Marga Garcia-Morera Blake, mother of three

MARGA Garcia-Morera Blake with daughter Andrea

I’ve never been a fan of extremes so I’ve always opted for the middle ground. Breastfeeding, although ideal, is not for everyone and it isn’t fair to imply that you are less of a mom if you don’t. As a working mom who nurses, I can also see that it is a luxury; not every working mom has help to thaw and feed breast milk to a baby every three hours. Furthermore, parenting is such a subjective endeavor that you can’t put definite rules or timelines. What works for one family may not necessarily work well for another.

Although I’m more of a “to each his own” type of person, I wouldn’t breastfeed a child over a year old. I’d rather bond with my kid in other ways—taking them to the park, swimming, reading. In this day and age when moms are stretched to the limit with things to do, I find it unnecessary to add more to the mix. Especially now that more and more moms have to work as well as attend to the home, I don’t think that breastfeeding beyond the first year is that much more beneficial. The health benefits during the first year are undeniable but I find it impractical to go beyond that, especially if the mother has more than one child.

But if, for example, a stay-at-home mom has only one child and feels like this is her way to truly bond with her child, then more power to her. Breastfeeding involves a lot of self-sacrifice, so if a mother can make it work then why not? It really depends on the needs of a particular family and what would work for them.

Tootsy Echauz -Angara, mother of three

TOOTSY Echauz-Angara with Rep. Sonny Angara and kids

Breastfeeding is natural, beautiful and is the best thing a mother can do for her children, its nothing to be ashamed of. Time Magazine got a lot of praise and a lot of criticism about their cover. I personally think there is nothing wrong with having an attractive woman breastfeeding her child on the cover, not all moms look tired and haggard. There is so much opinion and passion about it on talk shows and online but I think that’s exactly what they wanted—to get attention, to get people talking, to have an open discussion about breastfeeding.”

Annavic Aquino-Go, mother of three

ANNAVIC Aquino-Go

According to AAP and WHO, mothers can breastfeed their children up to two years and beyond.

Yes, it is unusual but I don’t see anything wrong about it, as long as the mother and the child are happy about it. Decision to stop breastfeeding should come from both of them and not because people around them are uncomfortable about it.

And that’s not even considering actual scenarios happening here in the Philippines, where less fortunate families who can’t afford to buy milk and sufficient food for their children breastfeed for as long as they are able to, even if their children are already two, three or even four years old.

Kai Nakanishi-Lim, mother of two

KAI NAKANISHI-LIM

This Time cover was meant to be controversial, a nearly four-year-old boy being breastfed in that manner with the title “Are you mom enough?” It questions the values of mothers.

I believe no one has the right to judge a mother’s love on the basis of breastfeeding alone. A mother’s love is unconditional, but when it comes to breastfeeding, to each is own. Anyone who has tried breastfeeding knows that it’s not a walk in the park and I admire women who go all out for their children. But we have to be mindful that what works for one may not work for others. I only breastfed my children for six months, does that mean I’m not mom enough? No, I don’t think so and I won’t let an article like this make me feel otherwise. Of course, sometimes I wish I was able to nurse them for at least a year but I know I made up for my shortcoming in other ways.

Having said all that, I really can’t judge the mom for deciding to nurse her three-year-old son, as I said—to each is own. I guess what am more concerned with is how we must also be mindful of other people and their threshold with the things they’re subjected to. I can imagine how seeing this in public may be awkward and uncomfortable for many but done in the privacy of their own home then that would be a different story.

Iza G. Abeja

Director, Beauty, Brains and Breastfeeding Inc., and UN MDG-F Ambassador on Child Food Security and Nutrition

IZA ABEJA and Amina Isabelle

I am a mother of two kids. I breastfed my son Joaquin till his sixth birthday and am still breastfeeding my daughter Amina, who is four years old now. I intend to continue this until she turns six as well. I am an advocate and practice co-sleeping and baby wearing all in relation and support to my extended breastfeeding. I so love the Time Magazine breastfeeding cover. To have a beautiful mother with such a healthy toddler, standing proud and breastfeeding, is a dream come true for me as an advocate. I have been working very hard together with other advocates to promote breastfeeding in a country whose majority of its citizen believes that breastfeeding is but a practice of those too poor to afford formula and that formula makes children gifted and healthier. Thanks to formula TV commercials!

That Time cover is a victorious thing for me. And yes, I do believe extended breastfeeding creates an incredible and amazing bond between mother and child. I think the mother on the cover exudes confidence not sexuality. I think showing a toddler breastfeeding on the cover of Time Magazine is an eye-opener that extended breastfeeding is a normal and very acceptable practice. After all, WHO and Unicef recommend exclusive breastfeeding for six months and continued breastfeeding with appropriate complementary food for at least two years and beyond. I think that is enough said.

Ginny Lopez-Proximo, mother of two

GINNY Lopez-Proximo

My view on it is mixed. I am happy to be very hands-on with my kids and I am so pro for other mothers to be as hands-on as possible as well but I think this one is a bit extreme. I think that being hands-on doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t make room for your kid to grow and be independent. This photo just gives me the impression that the mom is still babying her not-so-baby son. And I don’t think it’s good for the kid in the long run. It’s beautiful that she nursed her son and we all know how hard it is to do it but this boy is a lil’ man already. He might get a rude awakening in the real world when he grows up. As we all know, not everything is handed to us on a silver platter and mommy will not always be there to help us. I just think that limitations should be set. That’s all. As a mother, you want to provide your kids with the tools they need to survive in the real world. And the real world can be harsh!

Marivic Limcaoco

MARIVIC Limcaoco

My thoughts on attachment parenting, which is what the article is all about, right? (and not really about  that skinny gorgeous mom with that naughty-faced little boy?)

If only these Americans knew that what they are describing is regular parenting, Pinoy-style. We carry our babies all the time—if not us, it’s our moms, our sisters, our friends, our yayas. Pinoy babies hardly “cry it out” because there just seems to be extra hands always to pick that baby up.

Co-sleeping? Everyone co-sleeps in Manila—it has to do with the electric bill.

Now, about breastfeeding up to three years old, I don’t think so. I breastfed each of my kids for six months each (no more, no less—equal opportunity. I didn’t want to be blamed if one kid turned out smarter than the other) and I felt that was enough. Filipinos, without being breastfed forever, are still close to their moms, from infancy to adulthood. Aha, so maybe Sears is right—maybe it’s a result of all the the carrying and the co-sleeping?

But breastfeeding up to three years old, for sole purpose of getting the kids attached to me? Are you kidding? The problem with our parenting style here is that the kids are too attached to their parents. I think kids need to learn to be more independent and self-sufficient.


Follow Us


Follow us on Facebook Follow on Twitter Follow on Twitter


Recent Stories:

Complete stories on our Digital Edition newsstand for tablets, netbooks and mobile phones; 14-issue free trial. About to step out? Get breaking alerts on your mobile.phone. Text ON INQ BREAKING to 4467, for Globe, Smart and Sun subscribers in the Philippines.

Tags: breastfeeding , Family , Lifestyle , media , Motherhood , PARENTING , Time Magazine

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/FGLCSWEISCSAYRSODQ7MEOWLNI yahoo-FGLCSWEISCSAYRSODQ7MEOWLNI

    The idea is good, but somehow the presentation of the picture is not well presented. It is like  more on modeling for Chair, Shoes, Dress or even Exercising. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=720900832 Roland Isla

    This column would have been more interesting, and informative, if the writer interviewed some mom’s from the lower socio-economic classes instead of her society friends. How does the cost of a month’s worth of baby formula affect the decision to breast feed for families who make less than the daily minimum wage? The PDI really can be disappointing in its lack of journalistic standards sometimes. 

    • onli_in_da_pilipins

      My thoughts exactly. The title says Filipino moms, and to me this article is hardly representing that. I’m not challenging their nationality and I’m sure they are great mothers as well, I just find this article pretentious for its title, that’s all.

    • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/XY4AW6ZJBAPIJ33L7KX6M3IOQI c

       the writer, at the onset, never said “filipino mothers from all walks of life.” so live with it.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QFH7Z2HJ35MLP5KFSJB6S76SAU Francis

    Roland, first of all, lets not begrudge the author for the scope of her interview. Its her choice, its her article, and she is not even writing about the dichotomy between how mothers from different social classes treat their kids, but more as a rejoinder to an article in TIme Magazine. Read the article as it is, there is nothing derogatory about it, nor it accuses anybody of anything. Not everything that we write should be a testament to class struggle. That is passe already my friend.

    The author can not, and should not be faulted for her choices. Why dont you write one and cover the topics with the scope that you like? I am quite sure no one will criticize you for writing a neutral article even if does not include so-called sources from your so-called “society”  

    Lastly, to take you on your flawed argument, if you go around the Philippines, it is actually most mothers from low to mid income families that opt not to breastfeed their children; despite the fact that breastfeeding is infinitely better for the baby, and is FREE OF CHARGE.  There are so many reasons behind it, and I symphatise with mothers who cant fully breastfeed because they have to go back to work; but still, the benefits far outweigh the costs, literally and figuratively, only if there is a concerted effort to inform mothers about this issue.

    Maybe those career activists and rallyists, who clog our airwaves, media and streets daily demonizing everything from Obama, China and others, could do better to their supposed consitutuents ( ang masa ) by spending their time and advocacy to push for programs that can really help our less fortunate brothers : Reproductive Health, Breastfeeding, Education and labor policies that give nursing mothers better rights and benefits in the workplace.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QREVC6BXEDH5YPE33GI73A4S5E Gevon

      siguro itong si Francis ay ang writer, or could be one of the editors defending this writer.  Ang pagkukunwari ay di kailanman kayang i-justify.  Sa pagsusulat, dapat isa-isip ng manunulat kung ano ang nababagay sa mga readers, at hindi kung ano lang gusto niyang mga “choices”.

      Eh puro mga amiga pala niya ang ininterview niya for this article. Di sana eh inemail na lang niya sa kanila ang article na ito.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QFH7Z2HJ35MLP5KFSJB6S76SAU Francis

        Hindi po ako ang writer. Hindi po kailangan na maging sinungaling para lamang sumulat ng comment, wala naman po tayong vested interest dito. Yan ang problema sa ilan sa atin, masyado tayong malisyoso at suspisyoso, kayat hirap umunland and bansa natin.

        Ang punto dito ay, sabi mo nga, maraming readers. Hindi lang ikaw. Kagaya ko, nagustuhan ko ang article. Kung hindi mo type ang istilo ng manunulat, hangat hindi naman nagbibigay mailsya or “offensive” ang artikulo sa ibang sector, wala po tayong karapatan na tugisin ang manunulat, o mga taong nagbigay ng komento sa loob ng istorya.

        Articles are meant for an audience, and in this case the author might have wanted to relay the message to a specific audience, obviously not you. So lets all be open-minded and not become too self centered by always thinking that reports are written for you alone.

        Bakit hindi ka kumuha ng topic na gusto mo, kausapin o kapanayamin mo ang mga barkada at amigo mo, sumulat ng magandang artkulo, at i-submit sa PDI para mai-publish.

        Para Bida ka rin, di ba?

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QREVC6BXEDH5YPE33GI73A4S5E Gevon

        sige na nga, peace bro

  • mrPogi

    To: 
    Kai Nakanishi-Lim

    I thought it’s just some typo error but it was mentioned twice, so this comment.

    I think it’s should be “to each his own” not “to each is own”.

    or if you want to put “is own” you may say “to itch is own”.

  • marionics

    dyosko hindi ko na binasa yung article, basta ako gusto ko rin sumuso he he

  • Iggy Ramirez

    Sabi nung nanay sa palengke ayaw niya na magpasuso kasi tuyot na yung gatas niya. Yung tatay na lang ng bata yung pinapasuso niya at siya na rin mismo ang sumususo dun sa tatay.

    On the question of how old should an individual be before he is weaned, the answer depends on who is breastfeeding. If it is the child, then I believe, he should be at most 2 years old. 

    If it is the father, I’d say, only up to 65. Why? because if a mother is between the ages of 18 – 39, the milk is fresh. If the milk is coming from a mother between the ages of 40 – 64, the milk is a little bit sour and would taste something like yakult. But if the milk is coming from a mother 65 and up, the milk is a lethal poison.

    • peach black

      Icky Ramirez pansin ko lang napakabastos mo mag-comment kahit saang thread. you should seek professional help.

      • Iggy Ramirez

        Forgive me. Actually, I’m trying.

    • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/XY4AW6ZJBAPIJ33L7KX6M3IOQI c

      and you had to mix sex in your comment.

  • Diepor

    A child should sleep alone as soon as possible. Our two year old go to bed at 8 and sleep until 6-7 next morning. Some of our friens let their small kids stay awake as long as the parents , watching tv etc. The children needs the same procedure every night , and we the parents need some quiet time alone before bed.

  • Iggy Ramirez

    Now these women are talking about breastfeeding.

    Wala namang suso ‘tong mga to.

    But on the other hand, yung mga nanay sa palengke na mga bungal na di nagtutbras e hindi naman marunong magbasa yang mga yan. Kaya on the issue of how extreme is extreme e wala ding maisasagot yang mga yan. I believe the population is adequately represented.



Copyright © 2014, .
To subscribe to the Philippine Daily Inquirer newspaper in the Philippines, call +63 2 896-6000 for Metro Manila and Metro Cebu or email your subscription request here.
Factual errors? Contact the Philippine Daily Inquirer's day desk. Believe this article violates journalistic ethics? Contact the Inquirer's Reader's Advocate. Or write The Readers' Advocate:
c/o Philippine Daily Inquirer Chino Roces Avenue corner Yague and Mascardo Streets, Makati City, Metro Manila, Philippines Or fax nos. +63 2 8974793 to 94
Advertisement
  1. How Zsa Zsa Padilla found Conrad Onglao; Sharon Cuneta played Cupid
  2. Noli Yamsuan, Cardinal Sin’s ‘official’ photographer: ‘I could smell the aftershave lotion of the Pope’
  3. Palawan favorite getaway of show biz celebrities
  4. Fashionistas flock to designer’s wedding
  5. Joe de Venecia visits the Queen Mother of Cambodia
  6. President Quezon was born here–and so was Philippine surfing
  7. A tale of two Priscillas: my mother Prissy and Chona Recto Kasten
  8. This is not just a farm
  9. ‘Labahita a la bacalao’
  10. Levine designs womenswear with help from fiancee
  1. Why is the lifestyle set now afraid to wear jewelry–before Kim Henares?
  2. Are your favorite malls open this Holy Week break?
  3. Sarah Geronimo and Matteo Giudicelli sing ‘All of Me’–and we all swoon
  4. How Vitamin B can be a remedy for ‘manhid’ and neuropathy
  5. 90 percent of Filipino households don’t practice proper toilet hygiene, sanitation
  6. ‘Labahita a la bacalao’
  7. Boots Anson-Roa to wed in Eddie Baddeo
  8. Prince William fuels speculation of second royal baby
  9. Marcos grandson to wed beautiful Rocha scion
  10. This is not just a farm
  1. Mary Jean Lastimosa is new Miss Universe Philippines
  2. Did Angara ruin Pia Wurtzbach’s chances at Bb. Pilipinas?
  3. Dominique–Gretchen and Tonyboy Cojuangco’s daughter–now an endorser
  4. Manila in shock over model Helena Belmonte’s death
  5. Vinegar test helpful vs cervical cancer
  6. From Jeannie to mom of suicide victim
  7. San Vicente beaches hidden but not for long
  8. Borgy and Georgina are back; others are off–again
  9. Sen. Angara: I thought Pia Wurtzbach gave a good answer
  10. Why is the lifestyle set now afraid to wear jewelry–before Kim Henares?

News

  • Pope Francis, huge crowd joyously celebrate Easter
  • 4 French journalists freed from Syria captors home
  • Thousands celebrate Easter in Holy Land
  • Transcript reveals confusion over ferry evacuation
  • Pimentel wants Balikatan-type drills for PNP
  • Sports

  • Red-hot Alaska rips injury-depleted San Mig Coffee
  • Pacquiao courtesy call to Aquino set for Monday
  • Nick Calathes suspension a reminder of supplement risk
  • Teague scores 28 as Hawks soar past Pacers in Game 1
  • Warriors beat Clippers in playoff opener
  • Lifestyle

  • Angono petroglyphs in danger of disappearing
  • Britain’s baby Prince George visits Australian zoo
  • Noli Yamsuan, Cardinal Sin’s ‘official’ photographer: ‘I could smell the aftershave lotion of the Pope’
  • Simplifying and lightening life
  • Where to go for Easter night-out
  • Entertainment

  • Show-biz celebrities’ other choices of summer getaway
  • Why ‘Noah’ can’t dock his ark at Philippine theaters
  • Acclaimed artist goes wild while on holiday
  • Believing in this mermaid
  • Missing Xian
  • Business

  • Top-selling insurance agent opens her dream café
  • Connecting and transacting with one another
  • Building wealth for health
  • Why Mandaue Foam buys, rather than rents, space
  • A workplace of new possibilities
  • Technology

  • Nasa’s moon-orbiting robot crashes down
  • Netizens pay respects to Gabriel Garcia Marquez
  • Nokia recalls 30,000 chargers for Lumia 2520 tablet
  • Facebook rolls out ‘nearby friends’ feature
  • Netizens seethe over Aquino’s ‘sacrifice’ message
  • Opinion

  • Epiphany
  • Unpaid creditor vs distressed debtor
  • Moving on
  • From culinary desert to paradise
  • Response to China: ‘Usjaphil’
  • Global Nation

  • Tim Tebow’s charity hospital in Davao seen to open in 7 months
  • OFW from Maguindanao died of Mers-CoV in Saudi Arabia, says family
  • Aquino, Obama to tackle US pivot to Asia during state visit
  • Asia seeks Obama’s assurance in territorial spats
  • Cesar Chavez movie sparks memories of Fil-Am labor leaders
    Marketplace