DEAR EMILY,
My husband and I got married when we were just both 17 and only because I got pregnant. We had two more children in the course of our six-year marriage. By the time our third was able to walk, my husband left me for another woman, this time 20 years his senior. She quickly arranged for the annulment of our marriage.
I was modeling before my marriage. I had the height and the figure for it. When I went back to it, I met a woman who acted as booking agent for me. After a few meetings with her, she made me know how she felt about me.
I was around many gays and lesbians in the business, but it still shocked me to be courted by one. I always had boyfriends, never a girlfriend. She pursued me in ways that made me feel really good about myself and a few months later, we started our relationship.
She gave me and my kids a home, and supported us like a husband would. We traveled and she bought me expensive stuff. But two years later, she had a stroke and had to be hospitalized. After the crisis, I brought her home to recuperate.
I took care of her for over a year and made sure I was at her beck and call at all times. She couldn’t have asked for a more caring caregiver. She recovered after close to two years and felt good enough to resume control of her business.
She was so grateful to me that she treated us to a trip to the US. Our vacation was interrupted because of her business, but she suggested that my kids and I continue our vacation and stay with my two siblings who had homes there.
However, a few weeks after she left, I met a guy in a shopping center who fell head over heels in love with me. He was persistent and wouldn’t take no for an answer when he proposed marriage to me. He had his own business and had introduced me to his sister and mother. I confessed my present relationship to him, which he called a “small bump” in my life. He told me to tell my girlfriend the truth.
I cared for my girlfriend, but I never loved her as a lover. I am not a lesbian—never had been—but I didn’t have the heart to tell her the truth during our relationship. I could only answer her “I love yous” with “me, too.” Whether she noticed that, I never found out. I don’t want to break her heart for fear that she might have a stroke again, but I cannot live the lie anymore.
—Not Gay
Truth will hurt, but there are no two ways about it. What’s good about being honest is, you won’t have to make up stories along the way. No thinking to be done. It’s just giving an honest, flowing narrative of your true feelings!
Don’t worry about giving her a stroke, either. You are only an ordinary human being, not God incarnate. You don’t have the divine power to bring down people. It’s fate working if anything untoward happens to her.
Write her a letter and pour out everything you’ve ever felt in this relationship. Don’t hold back. Acknowledge the good life and kindness she brought to you and your kids when you needed them. Just tell her the truth.
But, you weren’t a slouch either. Weren’t you by her side at the lowest point of her life, caring for her when she needed it most? As they say, all’s fair in love and war. You gave back to her as much as she gave to you. You might not have put the label “love” on how you felt about her, but doesn’t love come in many colors? And isn’t it defined in many ways?
What’s happening to you now is that you’re just regaining and reclaiming your true being. You’re only being honest and truthful to yourself. And going home to the real you, at last!
E-mail [email protected], [email protected]—subject: Lifestyle.
