Emily’s Post

She thinks her husband is cheating on her

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DEAR EMILY,

My husband and I have been married for almost six years now, and I thought everything was going great.  We live abroad, which limits our life to working, eating and sleeping.  We go to the mall, but we haven’t even gone out of the city.

I have that nagging feeling that my husband is cheating on me.  After he resigned from his job, he would go every afternoon to his former workplace to claim his settlement.  But every day for two weeks?  One day, out of the blue, I checked our condom box to see how many packets were left, and there were six. We stopped using them this year because we are trying to have a baby.

The next day, when I checked it again, there were only five.  I asked him about it, but he said he’s not foolish enough to use our own condoms.   I’ve never been at peace since.   I started to doubt every single thing that I see, from the way the passenger seat in our car is positioned to the smell of his hand.  There was a time when he placed his arm around my shoulder and I smelled a woman’s perfume on his hand.  Another instance was when he suddenly held my hand while inside the car, which he had never done before.  In another time, I’d find that gesture sweet, but now I feel scared and paranoid.

My parents and my husband are not on good terms, and for my parents to hear about my fears would be like adding fuel to fire. The scariest part of this is, I prefer not to have him near me because I can’t stand the sight of him now.  I would rather stay quiet and pretend that I have put it behind me and that I am okay.

We have not talked about this problem since the day I confronted him.  If women’s instincts are almost always right, then I wouldn’t know what to do next.  I am scared.

CRUSHED

Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean he’s not doing it, one writer said once.  And unless you’re also hallucinating on top of that, perfume is usually a dead giveaway.  Everything he does or says will now be compounded in your confused and stressed mind. All the actions he’s never done before will be magnified and considered tainted.  How long can you live like that?  And you’re thinking of having a baby?  Is that wise at this time?

The shortest distance between two points is a straight line—that we learned in geometry.  Go to him and have an honest, no-holds-barred confession or confrontation of where this marriage is now.  Ask him everything you want to ask, and tell him everything you want him to hear.  Don’t hold back on anything.  If you still feel he’s lying through his teeth, take time out to clear your mind.

The scenario you laid out is pretty clear: You have no children, he has no job, everything he says now is doubtful to you, his very presence near you is unthinkable. Truthfully, I can barely see the thread that’s holding you two together.

E-mail emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com. Do listen to my podcast at http://kalikasanvigilante.blogspot.com/

Disclaimer: The comments uploaded on this site do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of management and owner of INQUIRER.net. We reserve the right to exclude comments that we deem to be inconsistent with our editorial standards.

  • JX Peron

    The sub-text to Emily’s response is — sus, hiwalayan mo na sya! I applaud you for this non-standard, but logical, advice!

  • stfu_moron

    hindi mo dapat kinompronta agad nung napansin mong nagkulang na ang condom ninyo..lol

  • randyaltarejos

    Hire a private detective to tail him. And that if you can afford it!

  • Ann Santos

    Remember this dear child all men are born cheaters. confront them and they will get mad and will still cheat and maybe leave you, ignore them and they will get used to it enjopy it more and maybe leave you. join the club. eirhter you love them or leave them warts and all. get a dog and love it more, so at least you will be loved unconditionally. God bless. 

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/LJVSZRQ7PBVINM5F6LL2HRURKA Rinaanir

      It appears that you’re using your own experience in commenting about the situation. 

      While most of the guys are “cheaters,” a lot of them are still loyal and faithful to their partners. 

      This attitude I think is what drives husbands away from their wives. When they make mistakes, we don’t forget. When they make good decisions, we don’t remember. How about we just appreciate them, nothing more, nothing less?

      Women quickly judge the guys because of what?  Because of the social perception that women are always at the bottom of the society and therefore we must fight for it at all times, at all cost. Look at us, already judging the husband of things that aren’t proven yet. Kaya nga sabi ni Ms. Emily, iconfront muna. Edi kung nangloko, tsaka tayo magsalita. I would like to ask: are we the only ones being cheated on? Are we the only ones lacking love, affection, time, appreciation and priority?

      My faith in men is still intact because of my dad. My mom always tells me how faithful and loyal my dad is to her. I may not be in the right age to talk about things like this, but who is. :)

      • Ann Santos

        Bless you child and your Dad, he’s one in a million. as well as few of my fellow brothers in Christ. Yes i might be declaring war thru experience (my dad, brother in-laws, my own husdand, father in-law and many more). i was waiting for a man to reply to my post. i am sorry if i offended you, believe me it’s not my intention to ruin someone’s love for her/his faithful father or brother or even husband. but sad to say 99% of men are cheaters. and for your info i give 101% of my TLC to my 35 years marriage and still suffer every now and then to my husband’s philandering ways coz i consider him part of my blessings. Take care. God bless you and your loved ones always.

      • http://profile.yahoo.com/LJVSZRQ7PBVINM5F6LL2HRURKA Rinaanir

        Oww I’m sorry for that. Please take care of yourself and your children, and God bless you too ma’am. I’ll love my dad even more. Maybe he really is one in a million.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/MMCNKPKX3Y4EK6E5ODZMOADCUA nancy

    trust your instincts..men are born polygamous and in your case it looks like he’s jumping to the other side of the fence…but first you should have a heart-to-heart talk with him before you’ll decide and ask God for guidance…even if you have no kids just try to save the marriage and if there’s nothing you can do then its not your loss but his…good luck!

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