I am in my late 30s, still single and with no kids. I’ve only had two serious relationships that lasted six and nine months, respectively. I date once in a while and met this guy my age in April. It was spur of the moment but I gave him my number. I knew from the start that he’s not the serious kind. I don’t even know his status. I rejected him initially, but his persistence in sending me text messages made me go out with him on a date, and eventually we had sex. I could not resist him, not because I love him, but because I felt that I was already trapped in this kind of situation and had hoped that this will be it. Two months later, his wife learned about the affair and I ended it, which he willingly accepted.
One day I started to feel that something was wrong in my body. I searched the Internet for the symptoms that I was experiencing and found out I had an STD. It’s been four months now and the symptoms are getting worse every day. I’ve already lost five pounds from stress, anxiety and depression. My personal and working relationships are also affected. Every day is a struggle. I have not undergone any medical tests because I’m so afraid to face the truth. I don’t know what to do.
I called him about it and he claims he’s clean. He said he doesn’t have any symptoms, and neither does his wife and six-month-old baby. But he was the only one I had unprotected sex with. I am so very, very, very STUPID that I did not think about STD, HIV, AIDS when I was with him. He is full of lies. Is this my karma? I’m planning to resign from work. I wish I could die at this moment. I am asking for a miracle. I hope it is not too late.
LADY IN PINK
All your hair-pulling, unmitigated stress and unbearable regret can all be solved once and for all by seeing a doctor right away! Like immediately? You cannot allow the information you’ve downloaded from the Internet to take over your mind and go haywire thinking of every unthinkable scenario! Get it over and done with.
Everyone makes mistakes—great and small—and you’re no exception. You don’t have to tell anyone about your predicament, real or imagined at this time. You’re not actually carrying any communicable disease because HIV/AIDS cannot be transmitted just by shaking hands or kissing—unless you intend to venture into unprotected sex again.
Do yourself a favor by righting something that could go horribly wrong if left unattended. Most of all, be gentle with yourself. No use crying over the past. There’s no sense in concocting a drama which may not even be there. Life is already difficult without compounding it with runaway thoughts.