Latest Stories

Emily’s Post

She’s trapped in a cold, sexless marriage



My husband and I have known each other for 18 years—first in an 11-year relationship, and then married for five. He told me our relationship would meet its fruition with marriage. He is only three years older, but I look up to him.

We had an argument on our wedding night and the possibility of annulment was mentioned. He was my only boyfriend and I wanted to make our marriage work. Only in our first year of marriage did we spend Christmas together.

He said holidays like Christmas and New Year are for fieldwork. He works abroad and I used to live with him until I tried working in the Philippines last year, as a breather since we’re still childless. The thing is, we rarely try, as he prefers to tinker with his PC or watch online documentaries.

I’m currently with him abroad and just this week, I accidentally saw his e-mails to his mistress over the last three years.  His treatment of me became clear. I had a hunch back then, and had no proof until now. His mistress knew all along he’s married with a wife in the Philippines. He said he had already finished it and had been wanting to do so for a long time.

I want to give our marriage another chance and raise kids, but being intimate with him again is difficult, even though I still want to be in bed with him. Coming from a family of devotees, I believe in only one marriage in my life and I can’t imagine myself with another man.

I’m flying back in a few days. He said he would visit me at my parent’s house. I don’t know what to do about my situation from now on.


You’ve only spent one Christmas together in this 18-year relationship? And he gives the excuse of fieldwork on occasions normally saved for family?

There’s not much bonding or emotional attachment to go on, is there?

With no children to care for, it’s pretty sad that there’s nothing sacred between you two. Not much seems to be holding you together. There’s not even sex to look forward to, because you’ve seen how he prefers his documentaries and his PC over you!

How good are you in bed? No intimacy even once a month? A year? How interesting are you?  Do you have a sense of humor? Do you even talk when you’re together?

If you’re together just to keep your vows forever, how do you define a marriage without sex or bonding—housemates or dormmates perhaps? Or part of the layout of the house as far as your husband is concerned?

Is that enough? He’s had a mistress for three years! And despite his denial, who knows the truth really? But you know in your gut what has become of your marriage exactly.

The song “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling” seems to set the tone of your relationship. Or probably, for your husband, the song “When I’m Not Near the Girl I Love (I love the girl I’m near)” is more like it.

You may wish to go on forever in this marriage, but the horizon doesn’t look bright. You are feeling the widening gulf yourself. A breather is taking a refreshing vacation for a few weeks or a month, tops. Not pursuing a life away from each other.

Eighteen years is a lifetime for some couples. Enough time to turn many marriages either from an oasis of comfort to a bleak, hopeless desert—feast or famine. If you can take this kind of a life and truly and honestly continue loving your husband, however unfaithful he turns out to be, so be it. Be a devotee to the institution like the other members of your family.

But if you think you deserve a better life, there are choices, should you have the energy for it. It’s your call.

P.S. Many, many thanks to those who sent their condolences to our family on the sudden and untimely passing of our youngest brother, Bondjie. We are truly grateful!

E-mail emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com

Follow Us

Follow us on Facebook Follow on Twitter Follow on Twitter

Recent Stories:

Complete stories on our Digital Edition newsstand for tablets, netbooks and mobile phones; 14-issue free trial. About to step out? Get breaking alerts on your mobile.phone. Text ON INQ BREAKING to 4467, for Globe, Smart and Sun subscribers in the Philippines.

Tags: Marriage , Mistress , Overseas Filipino Worker , Relationships , Sex , Sexless Marriage

  • pedrongbata

    Bee: Anong ba ang itsura mo, maganda kaba o pangit????

  • diamond_digger

    Bee, firstly, I’d like to say that you may not experience true and lasting happiness without GOD in your life. Second, you are not alone in this kind of dilemma. In fact, a friend and a work colleague of mine suffered a worse situation but after our series of brainstorming over cups (probably pails of coffee) and of course with GODs blessings, they have both found peace and happiness now. If you are in the US, more particularly in California, we can have some coffee at Starbucks and share experiences.

  • pening_garcia

    follow those advises below or buy your very first dil do. enjoy!

  • Equalizer357

    Maybe youre such a bore in bed…

  • http://www.facebook.com/iyen.dev Iyen Dev

    Sex is a daily food in Marriage!

Copyright © 2014, .
To subscribe to the Philippine Daily Inquirer newspaper in the Philippines, call +63 2 896-6000 for Metro Manila and Metro Cebu or email your subscription request here.
Factual errors? Contact the Philippine Daily Inquirer's day desk. Believe this article violates journalistic ethics? Contact the Inquirer's Reader's Advocate. Or write The Readers' Advocate:
c/o Philippine Daily Inquirer Chino Roces Avenue corner Yague and Mascardo Streets, Makati City, Metro Manila, Philippines Or fax nos. +63 2 8974793 to 94
  1. Ford Mustang turns 50 atop Empire State Building
  2. Are your favorite malls open this Holy Week break?
  3. ‘Labahita a la bacalao’
  4. This is not just a farm
  5. Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Nobel laureate, dies at 87
  6. Clams and garlic, softshell crab risotto–not your usual seafood fare for Holy Week
  7. Sarah Geronimo and Matteo Giudicelli sing ‘All of Me’–and we all swoon
  8. Why is the lifestyle set now afraid to wear jewelry–before Kim Henares?
  9. Moist, extra-tender blueberry muffins
  10. How Vitamin B can be a remedy for ‘manhid’ and neuropathy
  1. Dominique–Gretchen and Tonyboy Cojuangco’s daughter–now an endorser
  2. Why is the lifestyle set now afraid to wear jewelry–before Kim Henares?
  3. Marcos grandson to wed beautiful Rocha scion
  4. Sarah Geronimo and Matteo Giudicelli sing ‘All of Me’–and we all swoon
  5. Are your favorite malls open this Holy Week break?
  6. How Vitamin B can be a remedy for ‘manhid’ and neuropathy
  7. France makes work beyond 6 p.m. illegal
  8. Ever heard of HydroBob?
  9. 90 percent of Filipino households don’t practice proper toilet hygiene, sanitation
  10. Boots Anson-Roa to wed in Eddie Baddeo
  1. Mary Jean Lastimosa is new Miss Universe Philippines
  2. Did Angara ruin Pia Wurtzbach’s chances at Bb. Pilipinas?
  3. Dominique–Gretchen and Tonyboy Cojuangco’s daughter–now an endorser
  4. Manila in shock over model Helena Belmonte’s death
  5. Vinegar test helpful vs cervical cancer
  6. From Jeannie to mom of suicide victim
  7. San Vicente beaches hidden but not for long
  8. Borgy and Georgina are back; others are off–again
  9. Sen. Angara: I thought Pia Wurtzbach gave a good answer
  10. Why is the lifestyle set now afraid to wear jewelry–before Kim Henares?


  • Title of new Hillary Clinton book: ‘Hard Choices’
  • 14 killed in car bombing in Homs
  • 57-nation group plays key Ukraine monitoring role
  • French President Hollande’s top aide resigns
  • Japan to redesign Antarctic whale hunt after UN court ruling
  • Sports

  • Pacquiao shorts in Bradley fight sold for P1.7M in LA auction
  • Ryu pitches Dodgers past Giants
  • Alonso sets the pace in Chinese GP practice
  • Heat seek Three-peat but Spurs, Pacers top seeds
  • Can Spurs get back at Heat? Can they survive West?
  • Lifestyle

  • Levine designs womenswear with help from fiancee
  • Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Nobel laureate, dies at 87
  • Ford Mustang turns 50 atop Empire State Building
  • Pro visual artists, lensmen to judge Pagcor’s photo contest
  • ‘Labahita a la bacalao’
  • Entertainment

  • EXO postpones release of mini album ‘Overdose’
  • ‘X-men’ filmmaker slams ‘fabricated’ sex attack claims
  • Singer Chris Brown’s bodyguard on trial in DC
  • Whoopi Goldberg debuts as marijuana columnist
  • ‘X-men’ director accused of sex assault on teen boy
  • Business

  • Italy sells luxury state cars on eBay
  • Asian shares mostly up in quiet trade
  • Dollar up in Asia on US jobs data, Ukraine deal
  • Barbie doll has a problem
  • Oil prices mixed ahead of long Easter weekend
  • Technology

  • Netizens pay respects to Gabriel Garcia Marquez
  • Nokia recalls 30,000 chargers for Lumia 2520 tablet
  • Facebook rolls out ‘nearby friends’ feature
  • Netizens seethe over Aquino’s ‘sacrifice’ message
  • Filipinos #PrayForSouthKorea
  • Opinion

  • Editorial cartoon, April 17, 2014
  • A humbler Church
  • Deepest darkness
  • ‘Agnihotra’ for Earth’s health
  • It’s the Holy Week, time to think of others
  • Global Nation

  • DoH denies Filipino nurse no longer positive for MERS virus
  • WHO warns vs spread of MERS-Cov, urges vigilance in taking precautions
  • Last call for nominations to ’14 Presidential Awards
  • San Francisco business coalition slams proposed tax on sugary drinks
  • A ‘time-travel’ production of ‘Les Miserable’ at Stanford