Latest Stories

Emily’s Post

She’s trapped in a cold, sexless marriage



My husband and I have known each other for 18 years—first in an 11-year relationship, and then married for five. He told me our relationship would meet its fruition with marriage. He is only three years older, but I look up to him.

We had an argument on our wedding night and the possibility of annulment was mentioned. He was my only boyfriend and I wanted to make our marriage work. Only in our first year of marriage did we spend Christmas together.

He said holidays like Christmas and New Year are for fieldwork. He works abroad and I used to live with him until I tried working in the Philippines last year, as a breather since we’re still childless. The thing is, we rarely try, as he prefers to tinker with his PC or watch online documentaries.

I’m currently with him abroad and just this week, I accidentally saw his e-mails to his mistress over the last three years.  His treatment of me became clear. I had a hunch back then, and had no proof until now. His mistress knew all along he’s married with a wife in the Philippines. He said he had already finished it and had been wanting to do so for a long time.

I want to give our marriage another chance and raise kids, but being intimate with him again is difficult, even though I still want to be in bed with him. Coming from a family of devotees, I believe in only one marriage in my life and I can’t imagine myself with another man.

I’m flying back in a few days. He said he would visit me at my parent’s house. I don’t know what to do about my situation from now on.


You’ve only spent one Christmas together in this 18-year relationship? And he gives the excuse of fieldwork on occasions normally saved for family?

There’s not much bonding or emotional attachment to go on, is there?

With no children to care for, it’s pretty sad that there’s nothing sacred between you two. Not much seems to be holding you together. There’s not even sex to look forward to, because you’ve seen how he prefers his documentaries and his PC over you!

How good are you in bed? No intimacy even once a month? A year? How interesting are you?  Do you have a sense of humor? Do you even talk when you’re together?

If you’re together just to keep your vows forever, how do you define a marriage without sex or bonding—housemates or dormmates perhaps? Or part of the layout of the house as far as your husband is concerned?

Is that enough? He’s had a mistress for three years! And despite his denial, who knows the truth really? But you know in your gut what has become of your marriage exactly.

The song “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling” seems to set the tone of your relationship. Or probably, for your husband, the song “When I’m Not Near the Girl I Love (I love the girl I’m near)” is more like it.

You may wish to go on forever in this marriage, but the horizon doesn’t look bright. You are feeling the widening gulf yourself. A breather is taking a refreshing vacation for a few weeks or a month, tops. Not pursuing a life away from each other.

Eighteen years is a lifetime for some couples. Enough time to turn many marriages either from an oasis of comfort to a bleak, hopeless desert—feast or famine. If you can take this kind of a life and truly and honestly continue loving your husband, however unfaithful he turns out to be, so be it. Be a devotee to the institution like the other members of your family.

But if you think you deserve a better life, there are choices, should you have the energy for it. It’s your call.

P.S. Many, many thanks to those who sent their condolences to our family on the sudden and untimely passing of our youngest brother, Bondjie. We are truly grateful!

E-mail emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com

Follow Us

Follow us on Facebook Follow on Twitter Follow on Twitter

Recent Stories:

Complete stories on our Digital Edition newsstand for tablets, netbooks and mobile phones; 14-issue free trial. About to step out? Get breaking alerts on your mobile.phone. Text ON INQ BREAKING to 4467, for Globe, Smart and Sun subscribers in the Philippines.

Tags: Marriage , Mistress , Overseas Filipino Worker , Relationships , Sex , Sexless Marriage

  • pedrongbata

    Bee: Anong ba ang itsura mo, maganda kaba o pangit????

  • diamond_digger

    Bee, firstly, I’d like to say that you may not experience true and lasting happiness without GOD in your life. Second, you are not alone in this kind of dilemma. In fact, a friend and a work colleague of mine suffered a worse situation but after our series of brainstorming over cups (probably pails of coffee) and of course with GODs blessings, they have both found peace and happiness now. If you are in the US, more particularly in California, we can have some coffee at Starbucks and share experiences.

  • pening_garcia

    follow those advises below or buy your very first dil do. enjoy!

  • Equalizer357

    Maybe youre such a bore in bed…

  • http://www.facebook.com/iyen.dev Iyen Dev

    Sex is a daily food in Marriage!

Copyright © 2014, .
To subscribe to the Philippine Daily Inquirer newspaper in the Philippines, call +63 2 896-6000 for Metro Manila and Metro Cebu or email your subscription request here.
Factual errors? Contact the Philippine Daily Inquirer's day desk. Believe this article violates journalistic ethics? Contact the Inquirer's Reader's Advocate. Or write The Readers' Advocate:
c/o Philippine Daily Inquirer Chino Roces Avenue corner Yague and Mascardo Streets, Makati City, Metro Manila, Philippines Or fax nos. +63 2 8974793 to 94
  1. How to enjoy Buntod
  2. Kim Atienza: At home with art and design
  3. Life lessons I want to teach my son
  4. No tourist draw, Malang the croc will remain wild
  5. ‘Wild West’ Masbate’s pristine marine gems
  6. The best flavors of summer in one bite, and more
  7. How Zsa Zsa Padilla found Conrad Onglao; Sharon Cuneta played Cupid
  8. Homemade yogurt, bread blended with pizza, even ramen
  9. What has happened to Barrio Fiesta and Singing Cooks & Waiters?
  10. Haneda International Airport: A destination on its own
  1. How Zsa Zsa Padilla found Conrad Onglao; Sharon Cuneta played Cupid
  2. Are your favorite malls open this Holy Week break?
  3. Historic Fort Bonifacio tunnel converted into a septic tank
  4. ‘Labahita a la bacalao’
  5. Miss America: Don’t suspend teen over prom invite
  6. How Margie Moran-Floirendo keeps her dancer’s body
  7. This is not just a farm
  8. President Quezon was born here–and so was Philippine surfing
  9. Levine designs womenswear with help from fiancee
  10. Clams and garlic, softshell crab risotto–not your usual seafood fare for Holy Week
  1. How Zsa Zsa Padilla found Conrad Onglao; Sharon Cuneta played Cupid
  2. Mary Jean Lastimosa is new Miss Universe Philippines
  3. Did Angara ruin Pia Wurtzbach’s chances at Bb. Pilipinas?
  4. Dominique–Gretchen and Tonyboy Cojuangco’s daughter–now an endorser
  5. Vinegar test helpful vs cervical cancer
  6. From Jeannie to mom of suicide victim
  7. San Vicente beaches hidden but not for long
  8. Borgy and Georgina are back; others are off–again
  9. Why is the lifestyle set now afraid to wear jewelry–before Kim Henares?
  10. Sen. Angara: I thought Pia Wurtzbach gave a good answer


  • Santiago: Enrile, Lacson, Reyes plotting massive psywar operation
  • Poe, Cayetano to colleagues: Shun formalities, let’s hear Napoles’ tell-all ASAP
  • Name names, Lacson dared
  • 4.6-magnitude quake hits Surigao del Norte
  • Camilla’s brother dies of NYC head injury
  • Sports

  • Promoters Dela Hoya, Arum in talks for Pacquiao-Alvarez—report
  • Benzema guides Madrid to 1-0 win over Bayern
  • Suns’ Goran Dragic win NBA’s Most Improved Player award
  • Heat go up 2-0, hold off Bobcats 101-97
  • Ronaldo shakes off injury fears to play Bayern
  • Lifestyle

  • This woman ate what?
  • Photos explore dynamics of youths’ sexual identity
  • 12th Philippine Food Expo set at the World Trade Center
  • No tourist draw, Malang the croc will remain wild
  • The best flavors of summer in one bite, and more
  • Entertainment

  • Has Ai Ai fallen deeply with ‘sireno?’
  • Sony developing live-action Barbie comedy
  • California court won’t review Jackson doctor case
  • Return of ‘Ibong Adarna’
  • Practical Phytos plans his future
  • Business

  • Facebook profits triple as mobile soars
  • Insular Honors Sales Performers at Testimonial Rites
  • Apple increases stock buyback, will split stock
  • Cost-recovery provisions for affected gencos urged
  • This time, BIR goes after florists
  • Technology

  • Enrile in Masters of the Universe, Lord of the Rings?
  • Top Traits of Digital Marketers
  • No truth to viral no-visa ‘chronicles’
  • ‘Unlimited’ Internet promos not really limitless; lawmakers call for probe
  • Viber releases new design for iPhone, comes to Blackberry 10 for the first time
  • Opinion

  • Editorial cartoon, April 24, 2014
  • Talking to Janet
  • Respite
  • Bucket list
  • JPII in 1981: walking a tightrope
  • Global Nation

  • No travel restriction to Mideast, DFA clarifies
  • PH-HK relations repaired, but families of victims still being courted
  • Filipinos in Middle East urged to get clearance before returning
  • PH seeks ‘clearer assurance’ from US
  • China and rivals sign naval pact to ease maritime tensions