Dear Emily,
My boyfriend and I, who were college sweethearts, broke up last month after five and a half years together. We’re in our mid-20s, and though we never made any concrete plans, we’ve talked about settling down. Being both the eldest in our families, we agreed to help them out before settling down.
He had to be honest, he said, and told me he was starting to like someone else when we broke up. I already had my suspicions, but I never asked him about it. I trusted him completely, since he promised he’d never cheat on me. He was man enough to tell me, but it didn’t make it any easier to accept or any less hurtful.
I begged him to come back. I told him I’d do anything he wants just so he would stay. I said he can go out with another girl, or even with a number of girls, as long as I could still be with him. Later on he modified his reasons for the breakup: He didn’t want to be with anyone right now, he really was busy at work and wanted to concentrate on that. When I asked him if he would answer my calls or my messages, he said yes, but he might not be able to answer immediately due to his work.
I haven’t heard from him since, and though I’ve been fighting the urge to talk with him, I want to give him the space he wants. I just don’t understand why he gave different reasons for our breakup.
As for me, I’ve been getting into sports and inquiring about graduate school. I’ve also been thinking of getting a job abroad so we won’t have to bump into each other. I’m a complete wreck, and I’m afraid to go into severe depression.
Should I try to convince him and win him back? I still love him, and the mere sound of his voice makes me happy. I’m still hoping to be part of his future.
DEPRESSED YUPPIE
In how many languages and in how many ways do you want him to tell you it’s over? He is done with you! Kaput. Finito. Of course this is depressing. Of course just the mere sound of his voice will ease all your hurt. But do you really want to ask him on bended knees to come back to you—even telling him he can do anything with you and be with as many women as he wants? You’re humiliating yourself terribly, and even your toes are possibly curling on their own from embarrassment at what you’re doing to yourself.
You think you’re so in love with him that you’re this willing doormat, as long as he takes you back. You are clearly going emotionally berserk at this point that your mind has gone addled from blowing your nose. That’s par for the course. But think! Since you’re already miserable, why not carry this awful burden some more miles and sleepless nights until you get stronger and can’t feel the weight anymore?
Help yourself hard to forget him. Pick up a hobby. Go out with friends. There’ll be others you’ll meet along the way. You’ll be over him in no time because youth and time are on your side. Don’t be surprised if one morning, you’ll be amused and probably laugh at how you went crazy over this guy once upon a time.
It will be difficult between now and then. It will be horrible. But the learning experience will be worth it.
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