DEAR EMILY,

I am a 50-year-old businesswoman, married for 29 years and I have four kids who are all grown up and working in the city. My husband and I stay in the province. He confessed he has two illegitimate children aged 10 and 7. I was shocked and hurt. I wanted to leave him, but he pleaded and asked for forgiveness. He said he would change to stay with me.

Since I didn?t want a broken family, I forgave him provided he forgot the girl. He said he didn?t care about the mother anymore but has to support the kids. He now drops by the kids? school every 10 days to give them allowance and see them at most for 30 minutes. We also treat the kids out at least once a month minus the mother.

Recently, he asked me to allow him to spend one whole day with them every Saturday because he feels he doesn?t see them enough. He?d spend the day in their house. I told him we should just bring them out, but he said the kids don?t feel comfortable with me. I feel he is testing my generosity. He will be bonding with his kids with their mother around.

Lately, the kids have been sickly and it bothers his conscience that he is not around to comfort them. I?ve let go and sold my own business because of my depression from all these. I am ready to live alone, but I don?t know how to leave him. My kids don?t know what?s going on.

MARTYR WIFE

The smell of a rotting rat must be pervading the atmosphere in your relationship with your husband?now that he is on to ?caring more? for his younger children. Just giving them financial support would have been more than sufficient considering he is a married man with a family. He played hooky and betrayed you. Twice!

They are not even supposed to be in the equation, or even be remotely related to him?in his lifetime! You?re the aggrieved party here, let?s be clear about that. But something in you accepted him?and them?but that wasn?t enough for him.

Had you not shown your generosity or kindness, but instead given him unbearable hell after your discovery, do you think he?d even have the audacity to be rubbing salt on your wound now?

If he needs to bond with his children, he should have the decency and sensitivity to bring them out of that house of infamy and spend the day in a neutral place?not where he and their mother could re-ignite their affair. Remember, he didn?t just get her pregnant once. And two can always become three.

There?s no fool like an old fool, said a proverb. If you can withstand another indiscretion that could brew from this god-awful husband of yours, then go the distance of how much your martyrdom will allow you.

But if you?ve had enough? there?s no stopping what new horizons will open up to bring you the life you deserve.

Pray hard and allow the universe to guide you. You cannot be brought to a worse place than where you are now.

Email emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph; Subject: Lifestyle.