DEAR EMILY,

I have been with my husband for seven years now. This is my first marriage and his fourth. He is an American. I am bothered and annoyed by his philandering eyes. He looks at girls and checks them out, whether we?re in a restaurant, mall, grocery or even while walking.

I have confronted him about this and he said I am too jealous and insecure. The confrontation always ends up in quarreling and I always lose.

At times, I would catch him even turning his head at the woman?s direction. Or when I am talking with him, I?d see his eyes fixed at a passing woman or one standing by. I feel violated because he always does this when I am with him. I have asked him to stop and he gets upset and tells me he?ll never stop. He has also kept in his cabinet where he keeps his important documents and money, photos of his ex-wives, women he went out with and slept with.

I am hurt! He does not even keep any of our wedding pictures and even lost our wedding ring! Does this mean he still feels for his ex-wives and past relationships?

He had admitted to me that he has only cheated once in all his marriages and never did again because his conscience bothered him. Our age difference is as wide as the US and the Philippines. I am hurt and confused.

DISCONCERTED WIFE

How old is he anyway that he cannot outgrow this sensual obsession and evident hunger for women? It can be argued that he is just being a man.

But doing this philandering basically all the time in your presence smacks of weirdness. His skirt-chasing may be only through his eyes, but it certainly can be annoying. Does this mean he is still on the prowl for his ideal woman? Hasn?t he found her yet?despite four wives and seven years with you? Still in wanderlust (or woman-lust), after all these years, huh?

If it?s just one sense he is using that?s doing the walking, and no harm is done except to annoy you, let him sate this hunger through his eyes then. Clearly, he has this unquenchable thirst for the female race! But to paraphrase the Bible, ?if he can think of it, he can do it.?

How is your sex life anyway? Is he even good at it? Does he satisfy you enough to enable you to brush off these peripheral obstructions to your marriage? Do you yourself satisfy him enough, or do you leave him hungering for something more? If your answer is a big no to most, then, your marriage is really in a sad state.

Did you cause the break-up of his last relationship? If so, then, you were the object of his philandering yourself. You must have relished his dogged attentions once upon a time? and must be familiar with the drill. As a saying goes, ?We all get our just deserts.?

Now, if you love him anyway, sate his hunger through your kindness and love. Marriage is hard work, despite what we read in fairy tales. And it?s never too late to change?for the better.

But honestly though?you have a weird husband.

Email emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph; Subject: Lifestyle.