WE CHOOSE OUR PRIORITIES IN LIFE. Mine is raising Mark and Joshua to become responsible, incisive and confident adults.

I have long decided not to have a nine-to-five job so I could spend more quality time with my kids. I may not be able to provide every thing they want, but I can give what they need most while they are growing up?my time.



I had laid low from my modeling career when they were both very young, and settled in Angeles City. As they grew up, so did the cost of living.



Thus, after hibernating from the modeling scene for quite some time, along with taking up my master?s degree in Angeles, I decided to resume working in Manila as a model, seminar speaker, beauty consultant, spokesperson?alongside various meetings and get-togethers.



I drove to and from Angeles City and Manila, and had to spend nights without them because of work load. Sometimes I?d leave at night and return early morning just to make sure I was home by the time they wake up.



As I had masteral classes on Saturday, and sometimes had to work on Sunday, I had to make sure our weekdays together were well-spent, too. It was not easy, but I had gotten so used to it that it became quite ?normal.?



Work and school took approximately 14 days a month. The remainder days were spent on Mark and Joshua. I was a student and a working mom, but it was clearly important for me to learn not to think about work or school when I was with the kids at home.



I had to have a steady mindset while at home, as I did most of the errands and shared household chores with our yaya. I was also the resident plumber, electrician and carpenter.



Comfort and strength

They had actually never questioned me about all that I do. Until one time, I fell ill, lasting two months. I couldn?t even muster the energy to pick up Joshua from soccer practice.



When Mark asked me to help him with his project, my usual ?yes? became a silent stare, and tears rolled down my face because I knew I was too weak. Mark apologized and left my side. Then I could hear whispers in the other room.



After a while, my two boys sat beside me. Mark said they were getting worried about me since I had been having this on-and-off sickness.



?Mama, why don?t you look for a regular job??



?Why do you ask, Mark??



?Because maybe if you had a job that paid you regularly, then maybe you wouldn?t get sick all the time.?



?Mark , if I had a regular job, that is still no assurance that Mama would not get sick. But I?m fine. Mama just needs to rest because she was doing a lot of things.?



Then Joshua asked me a question that really grabbed me: ?But Mama, if something happens to you, who will take care of us?? He started to cry.



I held his hand and said: ?Joshua, nothing will happen to Mama. I will always be here for you and your kuya.?



They gave me the most comforting hug I could remember, and I continued: ?I chose not to have a regular job because I want to see you the most time that I could, and not just in the early mornings and late nights. I want to be there when you need me. You will only be kids once and I want to see both of you grow up. And I don?t want to think that I haven?t done all I could for us when I grow old... I will get well, I promise.?



?Promise??



?I promise.?



And I did. Sometimes we forget the undeniable power of the strength of spirit and faith in our beliefs. And knowing how much my children love me, I know they are my strength.



Mountains to climb

We had since moved back to Manila so we could enjoy each other more. The experience made me realize that inasmuch as we do so much for our kids? lives, we should always remember to take care of our own?body, mind and character.



We cannot control everything around us, but we can control how we respond to life?s challenges. Deep in our hearts, we know that, in the end, everything will be okay.



It?s the road we travel that tries our moral fiber, makes us want to give up and worry about the future. You wonder why this mountain you have to climb turns out to be a mountain range you have to conquer, one by one.



Though we should never question our challenges, I do so at times. Could I say I?m only human? I?ve always believed there?s no greater disgrace to one?s self than complaining all the time.



I constantly remind myself I should not question what life brings, and to think about what I could do so that one part of my life is better while going through a rough crossroad.



I chose to learn how to love my kids even more than I already know. The strength I draw out from Mark, Joshua and myself will give me great reason to live wholly, for I am blessed to have them.



We alone determine our own strength. So choose. I choose to be happy. I choose to get better. I choose to continually grow.



A good life is, in fact, tested with moments of pleasure and despair, play and work, triumph and failure. Giving up should not even be an option.



I don?t think I shall look forward to reaching the peak of that last mountain. I?d like to think that in climbing every peak, I continue to aspire and do my best for myself and the people I love.



Strength, like laughter, is contagious, and I hope to inspire others through it.



The author is a self-development and behavior-management speaker who conducts seminars for employee motivation, leadership and empowerment. You may e-mail marina_benipayo92@yahoo.com. Her website is www.marinabenipayo.com.