DEAR EMILY,

I?m 29 years old and I came from a seven-year relationship which ended badly. I loved my ex-boyfriend so much but he took advantage of my feelings for him; hoped he?d change but never did. I woke up one day and realized I was tired of being a doormat. I decided to just enjoy life as a single woman and promised myself not to go into another relationship unless I?m certain that the guy loves me more than I love him.

Six months later, I met a guy who loved me more. But, I felt something is lacking?I?m not in love with him. I want to settle down and raise my own family in the near future. But he has no stable job at the moment although he works as a freelance artist.

I can see effort on his part to look for a regular-paying job but there?s not much progress there. He is a nice guy but I?m afraid I might only hurt him if I continue with our relationship. What if I met someone I?m attracted to? I know it?s not fair but I?m also afraid that if I let him go, I might no longer find someone as nice and loving as him.

PILLOW

Haven?t you heard the saying, ?Be careful of what you pray for, as you just might get it?? Your prayer was answered yet, it brought you another form of unhappiness and made you disloyal to someone who doesn?t deserve it.

Did you honestly think that the heavens will gift wrap that perfect man just like so, for you to love till kingdom come? Were you expecting to hear bells ring to signal the momentous moment you met him? Aren?t you confusing real life with fairy tale just a little?

The man of your dreams will only be perfect the moment he melds his half with your half and together create your own perfection. Yes, you are being unfair with this fellow who you say loves you more. You haven?t even known him enough and already you are judging there?s not much to expect from him.

Have you given your emotions time to take root in this relationship? Why not take a chance and see where it goes? Didn?t you just get burned by a jerk you were terribly attracted to? If you keep on looking out the window waiting for that other someone to come along and expect to be swept off your feet?all the while tossing a coin whether to keep this guy or not?might make fate not look so kindly on you.

How do you know he will not make money from his creativity? Your impatience with destiny might prove to be your wrongdoing. Most artists feel stifled when they work for others. There?s a myriad of ways to earn a living?not necessarily always for someone else. Artists slow start, but once they get going, who knows what?

Let him soar to his own potential without you holding a timer and directing his flight. Encourage him. Be the wind beneath his wing, to pick a line from a song. Unless, of course, you've already set a deadline to kick him out of your life.

E-mail the author at emarcelo @inquirer.com.ph.