DEAR EMILY,

I am amazed that my husband and I are about to celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary this year, since we almost separated on our 25th year. Our marriage then had become so boring, we slept in separate rooms, traveled separately and led separate lives. Sometime at the start of our 26th year, he suddenly became very thoughtful and loving?almost reverential to me! He became a new man, awakened from a midlife crisis, I assumed. I didn?t question his behavior. I only accepted the new him wholeheartedly. He began to take me on all out-of-town and many out-of-the-country trips, no matter how short they were. Our sex life became active?before it would take years for him to even touch me. Our children noticed our newfound closeness and we became a family again. His ardor went on for around two years and gradually we settled back on being an old married couple?better and closer than when we almost separated. It was only when we attended a marriage encounter a few months ago that he unloaded his adultery to me. He said he had an affair?with an old friend of mine?to either bring himself back to me or separate from me entirely. He said the contentment and joy he felt during the affair allowed him to carry it over to our marriage, and in the process saved it. Without it, he said, we probably wouldn?t be where we are now. I must admit that they were so ultra discreet, nobody really knew. I actually don?t harbor any ill feelings toward my old friend. I don?t know whether to start hating her belatedly for her disloyalty to me?as is expected from a jilted wife?or to thank her for saving our marriage.

Friend in Doubt

What your husband and old friend did to you was disloyal and unconscionable. But the means, in a way, justified the end.

You got your husband back, who had clearly gotten lost in the maze of your marriage.

It?s been said that oftentimes, it takes three to make a marriage work. The fact that they were discreet and didn?t humiliate anyone during their affair is a testament to their respect for you. You didn?t hear about it because they didn?t flaunt it and weren?t vulgar about it. It was probably just the case of two lonely people seeking momentary solace from each other. They might have needed each other to straighten each other?s lives and in doing so, strengthened your marriage in the process. You?re lucky because in a convoluted way, the happiness and contentment your husband got from this affair radiated into making you happy as well. However hurt you may feel now, it turned out to be a win-win situation in the end.

Difficult as it is to accept it, accidents just don?t happen in the universe. What happened, happened for a purpose.

E-mail emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph.