DEAR EMILY,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 16 months now and I am still confused if he is serious or not. He gave me his mother?s ring on our 2nd monthsary, saying the ring would only be given to the girl he would marry. Several months passed and no marriage plans were discussed. I tried to ask him three times about it. At first, he answered ?we?ll discuss it soon,? and months later blurted ?why are you in such a hurry??

Several incidents confuse me about his intentions and plans for us. After we were introduced in August 2007, he asked me out on the same month. Later, I found out he had only broken up with his former girlfriend in June of the same year. So, did he get interested in me on the rebound then? On our fifth month, I saw his text message to a girl who used to be the cause of our arguments, telling her he no longer wants to continue their relationship. I confronted him about this incident two months later, which got him angry. He asked why I didn?t confront him earlier because he said he no longer recalls the reason for that text.

He does not know my birthday. He doesn?t even introduce me to his buddies, despite my wanting to meet them myself. I have met his family and he even made me a secondary sponsor at his sister?s wedding. He told me he is trying hard to convince me he is serious and that he is lucky to have met me, who he says is beyond comparison with his two other past girlfriends. Am I just insecure or he just doesn?t have any clear plans yet? I am really confused and I think I still don?t trust him.

?GIRLFRIEND WITH QUESTIONS

Considering the fact that you?ve only been going steady over a year, isn?t it already a bit of a commitment that your boyfriend gave you his mother?s ring, and even made you part of his sister?s wedding?

Didn?t you say he even thanked his luck that he met you after dumping the other girls? But that didn?t stop you from entertaining these nagging thoughts and in a way saddling him with your relentless insecurities about him.

Hound him when you actually catch him two-timing you. Clobber him if he doesn?t introduce you to his buddies when you?re with him. And as for your birthday, how will he know? If you hadn?t told him, did you expect him to Google it and surprise you that he found it all by himself?

Since you like to put this relationship under the microscope, stop torturing him and making him go through the wringer with this guessing game by giving him a list of everything there is to know about you?your birthday, your family, all the schools you went to; names of all your relatives, friends, old boyfriends, enemies, your favorite food, movies, color; etc.

Be very wary of your impatience, as he might wake up one morning and ask himself what the hell he has gotten into?having such an insecure girlfriend in his life.

It?s not like you?ve been going steady for decades and he hasn?t made a sliver of a commitment to you at all. What?s the matter with you? Why are you sprinting with such determination toward marriage?

Get to know each other well?taking it real slow?and develop a bond that is strong enough to pull you both to your dream destination: the altar!

What?s your insecurity all about? Accept that some men have congenitally low batteries.

E-mail emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph, subject: Lifestyle