DEAR EMILY,

I?m a single mother and I reside abroad with my daughter. My husband still stays in the Philippines for his own convenience since he has a very good job there. We?ve been physically separated nine years now, but we visit each other alternately. He has no plan of joining us abroad.

I fell in love with a 28-year-old guy who lives with me right now. We have no issues with our age gap and we are happy together. We have this arrangement that we?ll be together until I fix whatever it is I have to fix. My problem is, there is no longer love in my marriage and this young guy I?m in love with is a playboy. He went on vacation one time and came back a totally different person. Our fights are more frequent now.

Though I still love him, nothing is the same, and I can?t take it anymore. He tells me not to expect him to be with me forever, yet he adds insult to injury and daily stress by staying in my house, and he continues doing what he?s doing. I don?t know what to do. I?m a smart woman with a foolish heart.

Foolish Heart

How fast can you throw a bag of useless bones over the curb together with his rags? That?s the most liberating?not to mention refreshing?path to take to dispose of this freeloader. How dare he tell you not to expect to be with him forever. Granting it were true, did he have to rub it in, while shamelessly accepting shelter and generosity from you for the comfort of his unproductive carcass?

You already know that your relationship with him is a practice in futility and it?s just your weakness and indecision that is propelling your intelligence now. However vulnerable you feel about him, it?s clear that you need him like you need a hole in the head. He is a parasite in this relationship?the leech, blood sucker who is audaciously taking advantage of your feelings for him. Why not bang your head on the wall, if this will force you to wake up and look reality in the face?

There are no shortcuts to your present dilemma. Ride the tide and show you have the balls to do what?s right for you.

It will take a bit of waiting to flush him out of your system?but if you do it now, time will do its magic. It always washes off the bad taste in the mouth wrought by a nightmare like this?eventually. Time never disappoints.

E-mail the author at emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph (Subject: Lifestyle).