DEAR EMILY,
I am 55 years old and my husband is 52. We’ve been married 35 years. I accidentally found an e-mail he sent to his sister in the US asking her to track down his childhood sweetheart. This could be a simple case of curiosity on his part, but remembering his philandering ways years ago makes me so sad and mad. What is wrong with him or worse, what is wrong with me, that he seems to be very unhappy with me? He’s been retired six years now and I am still working. We’re here abroad with our only child and three grandchildren. I have always been a dutiful wife and career woman. When he lost his job, my company sponsored his papers that allowed him to stay here legally.
I decided to have a plan B so that I will not end up an old, poor and lonely lady in the future. We have a condo in my name and I will furnish it when I go home for a short vacation early next year.
What makes him so restless I would never know. Do I leave him now or wait till he reverts to his old self? I still care for him, and I am apprehensive to do so.—Confused
Answer:
You’re thinking of leaving him just because he wants to track down his childhood girlfriend? Isn’t this quite a drastic reaction? It also doesn’t bode well for a working marriage. How long ago was his last affair anyway?
Your husband is one restless soul, obviously. He is a retiree who wants to spice up his life and from his drab perch, babysitting and doing not much else, he is looking back at a lifetime which he thought was exciting. In his mind, he is not retired yet. He is still this macho man who once upon a time had women at his beck and call, and he is reliving it, however insensitive his taken route is.
Don’t let him be the be-all and the end-all of your existence. Are you still getting jealous of other women, or have a broken heart that he still wants to plant his seeds elsewhere? How great has he aged? And how sure are you that his childhood girlfriend will fall in love when she sees or connects with him again? Thirty-five years is a lot of time to accumulate wrinkles! Have you seen how some people can take on those merciless decades?
Give yourself some slack. You’re 55, for heaven’s sake! Stop snooping. Enjoy yourself, your career, your grandchildren and let him be. Pamper yourself for a change! Make yourself as young, attractive and desirable—for yourself! Prepare your condo for your benefit, if you so wish. And when the time is right, settle in it when you are ready—with or without him.
E-mail emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com