It is a universally acknowledged truth that some of the most fervent Bible-thumping, family values-crusading, no-sex-before-marriage-advocating people are also among the biggest porn-addicted, and oftentimes adulterous, hypocrites around.
And some of them even turn out to be bigots, domestic abusers and sexual molesters.
Case in point: Josh Duggar.
Beloved by conservatives for promoting so-called Christian family values, through the TLC hit reality TV show 19 and Counting, the 27-year-old Josh, it turns out, has been living a sordid secret life all this time. Like a warped Walter Mitty fueled by the transportive power of the Internet, Josh lived a life online that included compulsively watching porn, seeking sexual arousal and release, trawling for extramarital affairs and even signing up on Ashley Madison, the recently hacked social networking site that enables cheaters to cheat on their spouses with discretion.
Josh, as Gawker gleefully revealed, had more than one account. The New Yorker reported that he’d racked up almost a thousand dollars on two different accounts between February 2013 and May 2015. This amount allegedly included an “affair guarantee” fee of $250.
And all Josh Duggar was looking for was “a naughty girl, aggressive, with a high sex drive and creative and adventurous.”
I think it’s fair to assume that Anna Duggar, his sweet, smiling, submissive wife of seven years, was not that kind of girl.
She was, after all, bred to breed little Duggars who would grow up to be chaste and pure and virginal until their own wedding day, and living lives that were true to their strongly-held Christian values.
Anna and Josh themselves had their first kiss ever at the altar. Most likely it was all lips and no tongue action. And presumably they had sex for the first time after they were pronounced man and wife.
Prior to marriage, I would imagine, they never put their sexual compatibility to the test. Small wonder Josh turned to the Internet in the hopes of satisfying his many unfulfilled sexual desires. His sexual “wish list” allegedly included:
– conventional sex
– experimenting with sex toys
– one-night stands
– open to experimentation
– gentleness
– good with your hands
– sensual massage
– extended foreplay/teasing
– bubble bath for two
– likes to give oral sex
– likes to receive oral sex
– someone I can teach
– someone who can teach me
– kissing
– cuddling and hugging
– sharing fantasies
– sex talk
So far, so ordinary. On the surface, it’s pretty innocuous, standard stuff. Entry-level, even. I mean, seriously, live a little. Ask to be tied up or spanked. Try a threesome. Do some cosplay. Fuck in public or something. Conventional sex? As in missionary? Bo-oh-ring.
But examine the list more closely and you realize that what Josh is really looking for is connection. Intimacy. Closeness. Things that are actually part of a healthy relationship. Things it would seem he was neither giving to nor receiving from his wife, and perhaps vice-versa.
So far, so hypocritical. And so sad. But that’s what happens when you’re raised in a culture that fails to cultivate healthy attitudes toward sex that detaches sexuality from who we are as human beings and associates it with all that is sinful and impure and transgressive prior to marriage. By the time you get married and are given the green light to go forth and multiply, your head’s been fucked up so much from all this indoctrination and misinformation that it would be a truly earth-shattering miracle if you or your partner were able to climax. And by climax I don’t mean the sputtering premature ejaculation, if you’re a man, the first time you see your wife naked. If you’re a woman and you’ve never touched your clitoris, pray to God that you will get the chance to experience an orgasm at least once in your life.
Josh Duggar’s head is clearly fucked up, and so is his entire family’s. So fucked up that as a teenager, it emerged earlier this year, he molested his own sisters. And his parents covered up the police reports. And his own sisters have reportedly “forgiven” him.
Like so many of his ilk, this is a man who presents himself to the public as an upright citizen, a God-fearing man of faith and righteousness. As executive director of the Family Research Council Action, he has actively campaigned against equal rights for the LGBT community, the legalization of same-sex marriage, a woman’s right to choose. He has called his family the “epitome of conservative values.”
At least he has the balls to call himself “the biggest hypocrite ever.” In a statement he said that “while espousing faith and family values, I have secretly over the last several years been viewing pornography on the Internet and this became a secret addiction and I became unfaithful to my wife.”
“I am so ashamed of the double life that I have been living and am grieved for the hurt, pain and disgrace my sin has caused my wife and family, and most of all Jesus and all those who profess faith in Him.”
So far, so depressingly familiar, so depressingly predictable, the trajectory the Duggar narrative has taken. And of course he revises his statement to say that “the last few years, while publicly stating I was fighting against immorality in our country, in my heart I had allowed Satan to build a fortress that no one knew about.”
So far, so convenient. Blame the devil.
Yeah, right. Anna Duggar, save yourself and your children. Get out while you still can. You’re more than a baby-making machine. And you deserve to experience a real orgasm, whether you give it to yourself or someone else does.
B. Wiser is the author of Making Love in Spanish, a novel published earlier this year by Anvil Publishing and available in National Book Store and Powerbooks, as well as online. When not assuming her Sasha Fierce alter-ego, she takes on the role of serious journalist and media consultant
For comments and questions, e mail b.wiser.ph@gmail.com.
Art by Dorothy Guya