I have been separated 10 years now and had my marriage annulled four years ago. I raised my three children with the help of my family and the family business. I had my share of relationships after my marriage broke down, which left me traumatized by love. I’ve been celibate for the last four years.
There is a man who is interested in me. He is my second child’s godfather, and is also based abroad. His wife cheated on him and they are now divorced. I also know her because we belong to the same community here and is able to see me when she wants to.
My issue is: I know his ex-wife, my ex-husband knows him and he’s godfather to my son. Is it all right for us to date? What if we become a couple? How will I handle the prejudice of our Filipino community?
–Sharon
Did you or this love interest of yours remotely spawn the breakup of either of your marriages? If that’s not the case, there should be no problem in the offing. Both of you are free from any legal encumbrances. Both of you are as free as the proverbial bird.
Except, of course, for the warped joys of charlatans, fault-finders and other vicious holier-than-thous who will find anything and everything vile, however small, to make your lives miserable with their unsolicited opinions.
Why give them needless importance? It’s just a date! You’re not jumping into marriage in a blink! You’re just going to open a door, not purchase the house and land connected to it.
You don’t even know if you’ll like him enough for a lover, much more a lifetime companion. Friends do not necessarily graduate into rip-roaring passionate paramours in a minute.
Go for it, if your intention is to make yourselves happy for the long haul. Remember to breathe, to take your time, to know each other well. Keep your hormones in check. Don’t be foolish and mindlessly rush in.
The early stages tend to inspire giddy moments. The cannot-wait-to-touch-you moments. The feverish passion that transforms you into brainless, drug-addled personae. Moments, though, that when sated, collapse like a balloon—exhausted, deflated, nowhere to go.
Don’t worry about the people around you. They’re the least of your worries. They have their own needling problems to fret about. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”
Worry about this guy and how your relationship will turn out.
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