Many so-called beautiful relationships go wrong and a lot of people dismiss them as irreconcilable differences. Some get so hurt they swear not to go into another relationship ever again. Others immediately jump into another relationship, hoping this time it would be better.

 

How does one avoid such circumstances? Here are a few pointers that have worked for many. I trust that they would work for you as well.

 

Getting along with you

 

First and foremost, you must develop a relationship with yourself. You have to be able to get along with you. When you are so discombobulated within your self, please, please, it isn’t the right time to get into a relationship thinking that it is what will settle your within and bring you joy.

 

I guarantee you it’s not going to happen. You can’t even relate to yourself harmoniously, how will you now relate to another human being who just might be as confused as yourself? Please be reminded that we do attract like-minds.

 

Yes, there is chemistry, yes there is attraction, but they are not a guarantee for a happy relationship. Sure, the sex is great, but what happens after that?

 

Do you really like you? Can you be alone with yourself, or do you always have to have people around you? If not, do you have a blaring radio or television on? Let me repeat, what is your relationship with yourself really like?

 

‘Pain-body’

 

Your state of mind is also just as important. The number of people you haven’t forgiven matters. And that includes having forgiven yourself for all the so-called mistakes you have made. Be aware that all these you are bringing to the relationship you have decided to enter.

 

Secondly, you must consider the pain-body of the person you are about to share your life with. Pain-body is defined by Eckhart Tolle as the body of pain that we have built in our consciousness from the time we were conceived. Take into account what your mother was going through when you were in her womb—and after you were born, add all the pain you went through physically, mentally and emotionally.

 

These make up your invisible pain-body which is constantly wanting to take over your conscious life.

 

This pain-body is constantly fed by your present anger and all your deep dislikes and hates. Every time we are in pain, the pain-body relishes every moment.

 

We all have pain-bodies. But please do yourself a favor by not getting involved with someone whose pain-body is dense, thick and heavy. This kind of pain-body has taken over many people’s lives.

 

You know such people—the bitter ones, the angry ones, the resentful ones, and the addicts who are trying to escape the unbearable distress they are encountering.

 

But you may ask, “What if I fall in love with him/her and I would be willing to do anything to be with that person?” That is fine. At least you have gone into the relationship with your eyes wide open and can’t blame anyone except your daringness. You cared and you dared.

 

Bonus

 

Thirdly, never expect a relationship to be the source of your happiness. The relationship is just a bonus. Your happiness comes from being whole and complete within. You should have already been happy before you got into the relationship. So that whether the relationship is going well or not, you are still happy.

 

One must come to the point where it doesn’t matter whether your partner loves you or not. What matters most is that you are doing the loving. You can actually tell your mate, “If you love me that’s wonderful, if not, it does not become less wonderful.”

 

Finally, if you ever feel you have found someone to make you happy, HOLD YOUR HORSES! Disaster is on the way. Remember for all times: YOU are the source of your own happiness.

 

People who matter

 

Recently I had the pleasure and privilege of meeting people like Noel Tuason, who collects vintage cars, and his delightful wife Duday who loves jewelry; the attractive Moleen del Rosario whose husband Bobby is behind the idea of putting up Fisher Mall; and Moleen’s friends Rossana and Arman Sarthou.

 

These are the people who matter (to me) because they do not congest the society pages of broadsheets and glossy magazines with their names and pictures. They do not socialize like many “mountain climbers” whose priority in life is to “arrive.” I’ve always wondered, arrive where?

 

Life in the social world is filled with many conversations about the weather, a lot of small talk, and gossip bordering on the slanderous.

 

If you ever cross paths with any of the aforementioned people, STOP and have a conversation. I assure you, it would make your day.