One of the things I like doing as a mother is putting my kids to sleep. I’m not a big fan of feeding times with my son or study time with my daughter, but when it comes to our bedtime routine and we’re all snuggled up together, I can’t think of any other place I would rather be.
I love the little whispering voices as they try to squeeze in one last reminder of what they would like to do the following day. I actually like getting squished in between two little pudgy bodies, and have learned to dodge those flying legs and arms that tend to land in my face.
It’s a sweet and precious time that I am trying to make the most of now, because I know it won’t last very long. Soon my kids will be on their own and the most I’ll get is a quick goodnight peck on the cheek.
Delaying tactics
My 3-year-old son always goes out like a light bulb shortly after the stories, or even before I finish reading. My 5-year-old daughter usually falls asleep, too, after her stories and a little scratch request here and there. But there are other nights when, I tell you, I am sure she has a list of delaying tactics in her mind that she works her way through, just for fun.
From this point on, please note that this is purely fiction and meant to be taken lightly as a little entertainment for parents everywhere.
The list
In fact, I’m pretty sure that this list would be very familiar to the one that other children have been employing at bedtime. This thought stayed in my mind for a while, so I decided to do a little sleuthing. In a recent trip to the park, I chanced upon a secret meeting of kids and was able to discreetly get a copy of the list they were passing among themselves. Just as I suspected, it was a list on how to stay up later at night and fool the parents.
So, to my colleagues in the parenting world, here’s a copy of that list, printed verbatim to help you stay one step ahead in the battle of the zzz’s.
“How to stay up late and make mama scream into her pillow!”
1. You know what would be a good idea after that nice bedtime story? Another bed time story! Sometimes my mama forgets to read some of the lines in the book or even a whole page. Always be on guard so you can remind her that she accidentally skipped some parts of the story.
2. Tell your mama you are feeling cold (with matching chattering of the teeth) and to turn the fan away or make the air conditioner warmer. If you are using an electric fan, wait five minutes before telling her that the air is still hitting you and you are still cold.
3. Conversely, and this works best if you actually are feeling warm, you can also tell your mama you are feeling too warm. Take your blanket off and let her feel your sweaty neck so she believes you. Wait 10 minutes after she turns up the air conditioner or electric fan before telling her that now, you feel cold.
Be thirsty
4. Another surefire way to buy about 10 minutes is to be thirsty. I’m never actually thirsty, except when I go running in the park; but at night, when everyone is all set to sleep and all the lights are off, I always remember how tired I was playing all afternoon. Suddenly I feel the need to have a glass of water.
5. Everyone knows what happens after you have a big gulp of water. Give yourself a little time and, soon, you’ll need to go the bathroom. On the way to and from the bathroom, make sure to have a little detour and pass through your table. Now that you’re out of bed, there’s no better time to show her your art project from school today. Now if only I could find it…
6. Do your parents like to ask you all these questions about how your day was after they pick you up from school? I don’t know why they always ask at that time when all I want to do is run to the toys I left behind this morning and unwind. However, my days in school are usually very exciting and all that excitement is hard to bottle up!
I find that bedtime is the perfect moment to finally share every little thing that happened in school today—from what I learned, to where that new kid in school is from, and even the baon of my friends.
Why
7. But let it not be said that we like to monopolize conversations. Use this time to broaden your knowledge on things you always wanted to learn more about. Ask where Santa Claus gets his magic; how an eclipse happens; why the sky is blue instead of pink; and why mama is covering her head with the pillow.
8. Try your best to wait for your daddy. The minute he comes home and goes to kiss you in bed, tell him how much you missed him and ask him if you can play together, even just for a few minutes. This is a guaranteed jackpot and will buy you at least half an hour!
9. Why, oh why, do parents always have cabinets and closets in the room? I don’t mind having all my things just on the tables and floors. It makes them so much easier to access, but parents just love putting things away in these big closets that I’m sure have creepy monsters in them!
My mama never believes that they just hid when she checked the cabinets and won’t check more than twice, but that’s at least another 10 minutes! But aaaah! What was that sound?
10. Gosh, all that talk on monsters can get really scary! An additional night light would be very much needed at this point. And while mama is at it, don’t forget to ask for Snoopy, your beloved toy dog from when you were a baby, so it can guard you all night. I’m sure your mama knows where it’s hidden, even if she hasn’t seen it for over a year. Or two, but who’s counting?
*Always wait until mama is completely settled back in bed before asking her to get out once again for any reason.
Don’t try them all
Don’t try all of these steps in one night unless you want to get into real trouble, but two to three should be enough to give you an extra half hour!
So now that we’ve got the game plan of these kids, I’ve crafted my own way to combat their sneaky ways. It’s simple and proven effective: Fall asleep while making them sleep and that will (hopefully!) be the end of that. Unless they decide to try waking you up. But then that’s a different story altogether.
