DEAR EMILY,

I have an officemate who I didn’t notice at first, but since we are part of a team in the office that go out for drinks now and then, I got to know her more.

Now, I’m head over heels in love with her. When I asked if I could court her, she said that she really valued our friendship and didn’t want to lose it. In short, I was in the dreaded friend zone.

I said I was fine with it since I really enjoy hanging out with her. But, no matter how hard I try, I can’t help but feel jealous of anyone hitting on her, or when she tells stories about a guy she had met.

I read somewhere that sometimes the best thing to do is to take the friendship down to the level of acquaintance, since I can’t control how I feel. I need to make room in my heart for someone who feels the same way I do, or something like that…

Is that sound advice? I don’t want to offend her, but I really enjoy her company.

When you knew you were falling for her, why did you have to box yourself in right away as a suitor by asking her permission to court her? Couldn’t you have done your wooing surreptitiously?

Why not be patient being a friend, and, slowly but surely, make inroads into her line of vision by being this kind and pleasant teammate she could depend on for invaluable company? What was the rush?

You should have made your relationship with her flow unimpeded—without stress and discomfort—and allowed love to blossom on its own. Hopefully, nothing has been wasted or possibly too late?

Take this time to know each other better. Let her see you for what you really are without the encumbrances of romantic expectations. Allow her to see how much you care for her without having the overwrought appearance of a spurned suitor. Be yourself to her, and make her be herself, true and honest with you.

Accept her rejections for any involvement with you in the meantime. Give her the freedom to find the best man who’d suit her temperament and personality. You may turn out to be that lucky person in her pursuit, or, you may not.

Take it graciously if you two aren’t meant to be. But, if it turns out in your favor, then fate had tested you enough to make her love you in the end.

Everything comes at its right turn. Didn’t The Beatles sing something like “can’t hurry love?”

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