DEAR EMILY,

 

I’m 43 years old and I have a 49-year-old boyfriend. He was my classmate in high school and we met again after 22 years.  His marriage was annulled and he has kids. We see each other once a month, which I think is not often. Yet we see to it that we text each other almost every day.

 

He lives in the province. He doesn’t have a job and just relies on his sister. He adds to his income by betting on cockfights and jueteng, which is the norm in the province. I complain that he does not go to Manila for sometimes as long as two months because he says he has no money. Every time we meet, I pay for everything. If he does spend, it’s from his cockfight wins.

 

I found out recently that his son sends money to him. I know he has no responsibility to share these things with me. But I was thinking that he didn’t want me knowing about it because he’d be forced to make the trip to Manila and see me. I’ve been told that in the province he spends for his friends when they go drinking.

 

I also noticed that he constantly talks about the wife of his best friend. It’s as though he’s so proud of everything about her—what she does, how she looks, the things she knows. My boyfriend and I see so little of each other and, when we do, this woman becomes the topic of our conversation. When I complained one time, he asked why I was getting jealous of her.

 

He has not been thoughtful to me at all, despite the things I shower on him. He cannot even buy me one small hopia as a sign of his affection.

 

CONFUSED GIRL

 

Did I overlook any mention of love in your letter? You’re not by any chance stranded on an island and he’s the only man around, are you? What are you still doing with this supposed boyfriend of yours?

 

It’s truly perplexing how you can continue a relationship with a ne’er-do-well and a gambler as well, who thinks this is the viable option for his wayward and direction-less life. And even needling you with talks about a woman he admires? You’re 43! Is that the kind of human being you’d want to be with when you grow up?

 

If you have the psychological proclivity for masochism, then go ahead, make your bed with him. But don’t whine and pull your hair wondering why you’re having all these problems with him. Or why this is even happening to you! Are you aware that you have two feet that can run away from this crumb as fast as you can? You also have a brain that can tell you the little of the right and all the wrongs about him. Why aren’t you using these God-given tools to get you out of your misery?

 

I can see no redeeming qualities in this man. Why can’t you?

 

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