DEAR EMILY,
I’m 34 years old, married with three kids and work as a radio officer on a cruise ship. I married at 18, barely completing my two-year course. My husband, 38, was a seaman who has retired due to diabetes. I am now the breadwinner in the family.
I love him. He’s my best friend, as he is very loving, patient, and does all the household work whether I’m sick or not—and he did all these even when he was still active at sea. However, a third party has come into our lives—to me.
She is young, 24, single, beautiful and “bi,” with a boyfriend back home. She works at sea with me. It just happened, like I was “testing the waters.” We are inseparable on the ship. She is to be married in two years, but I’m part of her future plans. When we’re on vacation, my husband thinks we are just best friends, because we work together on the ship.
Is being gay, bisexual or transgender a “learned” behavior? I never thought I’d consent to such a relationship before I met her. I had girl crushes in high school, but I thought it was just part of growing up, but is now being rekindled.
Or is it genetic? My mother is tomboyish, too, and my elder married sister is very feminine but has a secret girlfriend. My two brothers are married and look very masculine, but are secret bisexuals. I read an article saying that this genetic disorder is due to unhealthy sperm or ovum. My papa is a drinker and a heavy smoker, but healthy.
I’m afraid of becoming a full-blown lesbian. Or bisexual, as my husband can still excite me.—Awi
Environmentalists are saying that the pollutants we are indiscriminately dumping in the air, land and water are circumventing the functions of hormones in living organisms, human beings included. Who is really to know why everything is going haywire? But regardless of scientific theories, your concern now is why and if you are turning into a lesbian.
I am the wrong person to ask—not only because I can’t give you a more scientific response, but also because I refrain from putting labels on people. Love anybody you want—another female, your dog, a thing. Ever heard about this man who’s asking the court if he can marry his computer, which he has fallen in love with?
The point is, so much enmity, so much cruelty, so much unhappiness and misunderstanding are pervading the air that any love we are able to give away is more than welcome. Giving it to the same sex is the least of your worries. What’s important is that love is passed on and shared, truthfully. Didn’t Pope Francis himself say, “Who are we to judge our fellow men?”
Though you’re free to give your affection to whomever and to whatever your heart desires, you’re still married. You can slalom in and out of this relationship while you’re at sea, but for how long? Won’t you be causing unhappiness as well to your husband if he ever finds out?
E-mail emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com