Dear Emily,
My son never met his dad because I left him when I was seven months pregnant. Now my son is 13 years old and he seems to not be interested in knowing his father. Whenever I ask him if he wants to meet his dad, my son’s answer is always “only if he’s rich.” I honestly want them to meet and get acquainted.
Though I’ve never heard from this man, I want my son to have an idea of his paternal side. I’m not sure if it’s a good idea. I worry about the impact of their meeting on him. My mind is all in a jumble.
—Katharine
Have you heard of the saying, “a square peg in a round hole?”
You left your son’s father before you’ve even given birth to him. Your son is now 13 and has no desire or even probably an inclination to see him; and the fact that you’ve never heard from him—why are you even belaboring the issue or allowing your mind to jumble? Didn’t you yourself say it may not even be a good idea? How right you are!
If this man—whose relationship with you is as clear as mud (was he a husband or just a fling?)—had any interest in you and your son’s well-being when you most needed it during your pregnancy, isn’t it a bit late in the day to have an acquaintance party with him specifically at this time? Have you even given some preamble to your boy—bits and pieces of history between you and this man, to at least whet his interest that he was the product of two people—while he was growing up?
As it is, your son is in that “devil may care” mode, a teenager who knows everything, and anything you suggest will always be un-cool. And yes, only money, possibly lots of it, can be a foot in the door to sweeten this meeting with his dad. But other than that, nah—not now. Besides, didn’t that father disappear like smoke from your lives without a whiff?
The best time for your son to know his other half is much later, after he had already attained some kind of maturity to dissect life and have understood it a bit.
Forcing the “getting to know you” event now may not augur well for everyone. It could provoke unspoken enmity, not to mention a possible unleashing of raw emotions. A true “square peg in a round hole” scenario.
E-mail [email protected] or [email protected], subject: Lifestyle.
