DEAR EMILY,
When should the past stay in the past? What if the past keeps popping in the present? How do you deal with it?
I caught myself asking those questions when I accidentally opened my boyfriend’s e-mail. In there, he was talking to his ex-girlfriend’s kid, with whom he has continued communicating.
This is becoming a problem for me. The kid’s mother has moved on with a new boyfriend, but the teen and my boyfriend still communicate frequently.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year now, and apparently, when there is a kid involved, the let-go-and-move-on phase doesn’t follow. He and the kid hardly see each other but keep in touch through phone. He gets to see and give her gifts on special occasions, but what I don’t approve of is the kid’s constant asking for material things.
Can’t the real parent of this child provide for her basic needs?
In addition, how can my boyfriend’s ex and her new partner manage to work things out among the three of them if my guy continues to be in the picture and give in to the kid’s every request?
He might even be posing a risk by providing her with the latest gadgets and apparel that might attract a snatcher’s attention, particularly.
Should I be okay with it? When is it actually just caring on his part? Does he cross the line when he meddles in his ex’s life? Would it be easier to let go and let them move on?
—Miss Giddy Spectator
Since this is not a biological child from a legitimate wife, you have the right to ask those questions.
You are the couple now. How old is the girl anyway? What things does she ask your boyfriend to buy? If they’re necessary school materials and other implements that she really needs and not just wants, then it’s probably lambing only on her part.
But, if they are frequent and meant to keep up with the Joneses, then consider it an abuse of your boyfriend’s generosity.
Does he feel like a parent to the girl, or a mentor perhaps, a friend, a sugar daddy? You’re the only one who can assess the situation.
This is a crazy world we live in now. There are just so many horror stories in the news today about unsavory scenarios between older men and young women—and, sadly, they involve close relatives and trustworthy friends.
You can tell your boyfriend occasionally to hold his horses and be astute enough to know when the kid is already crossing the line.
If he continues to be this generous to the kid and oblivious to your feelings, you two must sit down and have a serious conversation.
Being generous is one thing. Being obsessive is another.
E-mail the columnist at emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com.