DEAR Emily,
I’m 29, single and the fourth of six siblings. I was a public-school teacher, and am now working abroad for almost four years, the breadwinner of the family.
Seventeen years ago, our family had a small buy-and-sell business which my mother managed very well with a team of cousins and a driver who happened to be my aunt’s husband. They went to far-flung towns and were away five days or so until the products sold out. My father is a fisherman.
Last 2007, I was surprised by my grandmother’s tale that my mother has been in a relationship with our driver. My world was crushed when I heard about the silly things they engaged in when they were out selling. I would never have believed this betrayal by my mother of my father and my aunt.
I talked to her in a nice way about it, but she denied everything. Then, we started arguing about her behaving like a teenager. She never left my father nor talked to him about it. We intentionally did not inform our father for fear that everybody will end up in the graveyard.
After a year, our business went bust. My mother now just sells fruits and veggies at the market while my father continues to go out fishing. I found out that, after a gap of three years, my mother’s affair has continued. They’ve even built their own house in the same place where we live, even though my mother still lives with our father.
Unbelievable! She doesn’t care about our feelings. Should I reveal the secret and suffer the consequences? I am very much affected, but I don’t want to lose them.
AFFECTED SON
Weird! A mother having an affair with the husband of an aunt, and a father not having any inkling about it? Is your father deaf and blind, in a stupor or just does not care?
This scenario, of course, is not unheard of—but for them to be having a liaison under everybody’s nose? And to build a house to boot where everybody’s bound to see them, let alone raise cumulative eyebrows—boggles the imagination!
Just curious as to why your mother has not left your father after all this time. It’s not like he is a fishing magnate—or is he?
It seems your parents see no problem in this. You’re making it your problem and your perception of what’s happening. It is your parent’s business how they want to pursue their lives or how to resolve this, not yours. If they can accept it and live with it, why can’t you?
As long as there’s no physical malevolence going on, and everyone accepting what’s happening, so be it. You may not find it particularly palatable or ethical, but it’s not your life! Don’t be too judgmental because you don’t know half the story.
They’re mature. They can handle it. And again the question, why can’t you?
E-mail the author at emarcelo@inquirer. com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com.