I am a 34-year-old physician with a 32-year-old girlfriend of seven years who is also a physician.
We have a tumultuous relationship. I usually initiate our breakups because of her unabated jealousy, paranoia, possessiveness and controlling ways.
She gets crazy over forwarded texts from females I met way before her.
She checks my Facebook account and interrogates me about girls innocently photographed beside me.
I can tell you more nightmare stories but that’s not my main problem.
I don’t love her anymore. When we reconciled for the nth time, I just knew it was over. Finished. It has become a one-way relationship.
Despite her promises, she would change for a short time but inevitably go back to her controlling ways.
And now, she is dropping hints of marriage!
People around us think it is long overdue, but my trusted friends know differently.
They say I am being unfair because I am leading her on instead of making a clean break.
I feel trapped in a nightmare. Wanting to break free, I act like a real jerk with my short temper, I deliberately refuse to answer her calls and texts, miss important dates and birthdays, find excuses not to visit her in their house.
I know she knows I have already checked out of this relationship but she won’t quit on me.
The usual things I found endearing and cute about her are now just irritating.
I don’t think about her anymore, unless she calls or sends a text.
When I try to bait her into a fight, she keeps quiet or just says goodbye and hangs up. The next day she acts like nothing happened.
There’s more—we haven’t had sex for 15 months because I don’t want her to feel “used.” Isn’t that red flag enough?
She stubbornly clings to a happy-ever-after for us.
There’s not even a third party involved. I’ve remained faithful despite of everything, and that truly breaks my heart. How do I make her understand and accept that this is the end of the line for us?
DOC JAY
You’re a nasty boy, aren’t you? You’re giving her this song-and-dance and expect her to read your mind clearly.
She cannot see the real landscape because you are trying not to hurt her whenever you are breaking up with her.
How can an intelligent person like her not understand your determination to break up if you’re mincing your words and don’t give it to her straight?
Of course, you’re busy, honey…
You might have expressed something like not loving her anymore, but since you keep on going through this revolving door…
If you had cancer, wouldn’t you want it excised immediately and be rid of it completely? You won’t carry it around like a fragile porcelain vase, moaning and wailing about its inconvenience, would you?
She’ll always think of excuses why you don’t answer her texts and calls, or forget dates.
After all, you’re a doctor who is constantly busy. Unless she’s deaf, mute or comatose, lay it to her thick! The kindest you can be to this woman is to be cruel. Enough already if your feelings have turned to vinegar.
Drop the bomb, however painful. If she still will not accept the truth, well, you still have two feet. Run as far away from her as you can.
Your cell phone has a mute button? Weld it tight till her finger grows calluses from pressing your number.
If nothing else works, just be unavailable 24/7. Disappear completely! How dumb and stupid can she remain then? Exactly what in the word “no” does she not understand?
E-mail: emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com