DEAR EMILY,
I am a married over 50-year-old professional with two grown-up kids and a good paying job in the Middle East. I’ve been an OFW for almost 24 years and have been involved in a few flings with non-Filipinos.
Many men like me are also in relationships though they are very much married back home. Some women they hook up with are also married.
In 2009, through Facebook, I was able to find my former crush in my previous job back home. She is single again after her marriage had been annulled. She has a good paying job and has had her share of relationships as well.
After two months of exchanging e-mails and chats, we developed feelings for each other. She is the girl I really liked and loved. Although I was already a married man in that old job, I always dreamed of her and wished that she was my wife.
I don’t really love my wife, but I have been a responsible family man. My eldest son is also a CPA and has a good job, while my daughter is still in college. We acquired a lot of properties and some of them are now earning rental fees. All our bank accounts and properties are in my wife’s name. She is a good person, but because I don’t love her, I’m insensitive to her feelings and needs. Most of the time we clash.
I never thought I’d be involved again romantically. My present girlfriend is serious enough about our relationship that she has bought a new house for us. My problem is, I want to stop this adulterous act now. I am being unfair to my wife and my family, but I don’t have the guts to say “stop” to my girlfriend. She is so nice, and we are a perfect match. I want to get out, but I’ve fallen for her though I can’t be with her.
I don’t love my wife, but she is still my wife and my family…
—Confused Man
How long can you live with this lie were you to go back to your wife, knowing fully well how your heart and mind belong to somebody else? How long before you again start pining for the woman you love, longing for her company?
Won’t you be hurting your wife more with just a shell of you coming back to her? Will she pretend to be deaf and dumb, knowing your mind and heart are nowhere in sight?
Are you truly repentant of this adulterous deed? Is this the honest truth in wanting your family back—not just to lay claim to the wealth you’ve slaved for for the past 24 years—were you to file for legal separation from your wife?
If you’ve been hankering for this woman all these years, will you be able to freely walk away from her and allow your mind to obliterate her from your consciousness? Why not take one step at a time and weigh the pros and cons of what’s happening? It’s not like you’re just making a choice between a window-type or upright air-conditioner! This involves lives—with emotions, properties and everything else—intertwined. There should be no comebacks!
The spirit may be willing, but would your flesh be as strong?
Life is so complicated, isn’t it?
E-mail emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com.