DEAR Emily,
My wife of six years showed me an article from a women’s magazine that 65 percent of married women occasionally think of other men when their husbands make love to them, and admitted she is one of them.
She knows that I’ve fantasized about making it with Kate Winslet after watching her movies. I found one of her scenes so intense that I would think of it while making love to my wife. My wife has also told me she’d think of Jude Law as well while I make love to her.
Since we get more passionate in bed when we fantasize about other people, we agreed to be open about it and assured ourselves that no illicit affair would come out of them.
But I know my wife also fantasizes about her former suitor. What I fear is that her fantasies could become real since her ex-suitor recently became a widower. The communication line between them was opened and it couldn’t have been pure coincidence that I’d see him at trade exhibits where my wife has a booth.
Recently he was in the news in both print and broadcast. Boy, was she intense when we made love that night—even moaning his name! I am afraid she might make good her fantasy of him one of these days.
ANXIOUS HUSBAND
The mind fantasizes because it is fun, liberating, and gives the ego a momentary boost. It frees one from whatever trouble the mind is enduring for the moment. It gives wings to the spirit to fly to some firmament for some peace; an escape of whimsy that creates unbridled imagination. It is a common human preoccupation, alone or in a crowd. And it’s for free!
If fantasizing will help you and your wife bring interest in each other and passion back to your marital bed after six years of marriage, then there’s nothing wrong with it. What you do in the privacy of your bedroom and indulge in your mind is nobody’s business. But how badly do you need these fantasies to start your engines? Is it all the time?
This is really disconcerting for you if your wife utters the name of her ex-suitor at a terribly inappropriate time. Perhaps you both need to do some talking and soul-searching immediately.
Is there something more worrisome going on?
You might think this fantasizing is just a harmless game. You’re still actually playing with matchsticks at this point. How soon before fire develops—a conflagration perhaps that will put your marriage in jeopardy—before you see the rationale for your fantasy worlds?
The trouble is, once a crack appears on a wall, there’s no telling how deep the damage is and how soon before it comes tumbling down.
Is it still possible for you to just go back to turning each other on once again without the need for outside intervention?
Will your minds have the clarity to distinguish the fine line between fantasy and reality, after a while?
E-mail: emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph, emarcelo629@gmail.com