DEAR EMILY,
I am 45 years old and have three kids—ages 22, 20 and 18. My husband had a relationship with a woman 20 years ago, and they had a son. The woman left our hometown after she gave birth and had her own family.
Recently, she came back to our town when she separated from her common-law husband. She and my husband have rekindled their relationship. He denied it at first, saying he was just concerned for his child with her. Then he began spending more time with them.
Now things have turned upside down. The more I beg him to stop seeing her, the more he spends time with her. I asked him to leave last week and he did. I am at a loss on what to do. Will he still come back to us at all, and should I accept him when he does?
NORIE
Haven’t you heard how sweet and succulent a forbidden fruit is? If the song “Love is Lovelier (The Second Time Around)” comes to you as gospel truth, then the chances of your husband returning to you are kinda slim.
It’s not your fault. Just that your husband was bitten by that love bug twice. Most fall victim to love unwittingly that when one finds it caution is thrown to the wind. They’re like moths drawn to a flame, and to hell with whatever repercussions there are to the people around them. There’s nothing you can do this minute except to accept it.
Lead as normal a life for yourself and your kids. Try not to plant the hate-your-father seed in their minds. Pretend that he went far away and cannot be reached anytime soon. Then be everything you were not when you were still with him—dress better, look better, speak better.
Be the best you can be for your own good. Let everyone notice how well you’ve become after he abandoned you. He might even notice the change in you and start asking himself how wrong he was to leave you. A man hates to lose. And that change in you might make him salivate at what he has lost!
Don’t be a rubber ball to him unless he really changes. The creep!
E-mail: emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph, emarcelo629@gmail.com
(My gratitude to those who sent their generous best wishes and prayers during my recent surgery! Rest assured they will all be paid forward.)