DEAR EMILY,
I was bitten by the love bug the moment I saw this guy. It was I who made the first move—wrote him letters, called him on the phone, went to places I knew he’d be in, and just made my presence felt.
He never talked to me unless I spoke to him first. Sometimes, I’d catch him looking at me and nothing more.
I was abroad one time when I suddenly thought about him. I got so worried that something awful had happened that I called him immediately. And while at it, I felt it was the right time to tell him how I felt about him.
He told me he had a girlfriend, and asked me to kindly stop communicating with him because of this. He wished me good luck in finding the right man for me.
When I came back home after a year, I saw him in church, and our eyes met. I caught him looking at me twice.
Then I heard that he and his girlfriend broke up.
A month ago in church, I saw him looking at me again, and when I smiled, he looked down. I had thought that, after being away for a while, I’d have lost my feelings for him, but I haven’t. He is younger than me and I really care for him.
No one has ever courted me and I am now in my mid-30s. I’m willing to be a single woman all my life, and I am okay with it.
It’s just that I am wondering why all the men I’ve loved never returned my feelings. It was never mutual. Am I doing anything wrong, or is it just the way life is sometimes?
SUSAN
The biggest disservice you can do to yourself is jump the gun on men. They are born hunters.
This man was never into you—short of him running over you while trying to escape from you. You’re lucky he didn’t take advantage of you despite your zealousness to win him over.
Didn’t he ask you not to communicate with him anymore, even kindly, you said?
Don’t read something that isn’t there. You may have caught him looking at you because he was probably trying to catch you looking at him. Just think: If he ever wanted you or even liked you a bit, he had many chances—before, during and after having his girlfriend.
Men salivate more at the mystery of a fully clad woman than at a full-throttle exhibitionist. Practice the art of subtlety even if you are desperately climbing the walls with desire for him. You will never catch one if he’s fleeing from you at 150 mph.
Enjoy your company, alone or with friends who love you. Look at being 30 as a boon, not a bane. It is not the end of the world for a woman your age to be single. There are possibly millions your age in oppressive relationships who’d give an arm and a leg to be in your shoes.
Just go with the flow. Don’t rush love. Let it find you when you least expect it. Stop looking for it in all the wrong places—and with all the wrong men.
Reorient your concept of love. You might even find out that it is overrated in the end.
E-mail the columnist at emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com