DEAR Emily,
I’m 38 years old, married, and with a daughter who’s 16. My husband met an accident six years ago and he is partly bedridden. He has caregivers, so I am spared the heavy lifting. I’ve been a faithful wife all these years. My life’s routine has been just working and taking care of our small business, being a good mother and doing household chores.
Recently I started hanging out with four friends from college and going as a group to bars and dance for exercise. This was where I met this guy. The first time he went out with our group he danced with all of us. Then, I noticed in later outings that he didn’t dance with the other women anymore. While dancing, he told me he liked me very much, and I right away told him, “I’m married!”
He told me he’s married, too, and has two kids. In the middle of a dance, he held me and kissed me. I was so dumbfounded I found myself returning the kiss. I stopped it after a few seconds because I remembered that it’s wrong and that I’m married. I like him, but I love my husband. Though I admit it happened because I missed passionate kissing so much.
We’ve seen each other since then and we just go on like nothing happened. He has not said anything at all. My question is, should I ask him why he kissed me? I think kissing is not bad as long as you don’t proceed into having sex.
Why this guy is not talking to me about what happened that night is a puzzle. Is he just playing with me, or what? He asked me again the other day if I’m married, and I said “Yes!” He claims he is actually divorced, but I heard otherwise.
Honestly, I can’t trade my husband for him because my husband has money, and I don’t know anything about this guy. I want security, and I go out with my friends just for fun. I love dancing but I don’t flirt with guys.
Lonely Wife
Dancing is a very intimate activity. You touch, you look in each other’s eyes, you whisper into each other’s ears with your lips almost touching each other’s skin—you know the exercise.
Dancing, especially the Latin variety, is so sensual, so provocative, so intimate. This guy got carried away—most probably by the music, the touch of your skin, the smell of your hair—who knows why? But he did, and it was no big deal to him, obviously.
It would be different in the era of Maria Clara. But this is the new millennium and kissing has become the new handshake. Not even a casual French would merit a sleepless night for many women nowadays. After it’s washed off, it’s dead, gone and forgotten.
Savor that experience if you want, then file it in the trash can. Don’t, don’t, don’t ask him why! Act like it’s nothing to you, as well. Treat him as coolly as he is coolly treating you. Clearly, he’s not into you, period. He would have been relentless in his pursuit of you had that kiss meant anything to him.
You had fun for a while. It was good while it lasted. Now, while you’re melting fat on the dance floor, melt the memory of that louse as well. He ain’t worth it.
E-mail the columnist: emarcelo@inquirer. com.ph or emarcelo629@ gmail.com