My husband and I legally separated in the late ’90s after I caught him having various affairs: with a relative of mine; their office secretary; and possibly other indiscretions I just haven’t found out.
His sex drive is his downfall. Though we were separated, I had to shell out millions to bail him out of his debts. Since even our children have ignored him, he has become so unkempt, forgetting his personal hygiene and lately looking like a fat slob.
My problem is, there’s an old family friend who is so wonderful to me. He lives abroad but we see each other often because of my frequent trips. We are in close touch by modern technology. He knows all about my problems and I know all about his.
I learned of his feelings for me through a common friend who also knows him inside out. He confessed that I’ve always been the woman for him—and that I’ve crowded his marriage and his other relationships all these years.
He is in love with me, but I’m not sure what I feel about him. My friends are telling me to go for it. But I’ve been through so much pain that I don’t want to be in love or married again. I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t also want to lose him.
Clearly your queasy feelings are borne of financial and emotional battering in your very troubled marriage. That’s understandable.
But, to give up on love? Don’t you want to be adored and savor affection once again, and be the recipient of something wonderful for a change? Sure, you have suffered all these years for that fat slob of a husband. Wouldn’t you go out on a limb and gamble a bit more for a seemingly bright tomorrow that life is trying to offer you?
Being cynical and reliving old pains is such a downer and so counterproductive! You deserve a treat.
But to expect Christmas every day—or just one big blast of a party with this sweet man—remains to be seen.
What have you got to lose? You have nowhere to go but up. Though nothing is ever sure in this world, remember the saying: Nothing ventured, nothing gained. And in case you haven’t heard, life is too short to be miserable. Just go for it.