Unburdening the heart | Lifestyle.INQ

OCTOBER 27, 2022

If you have successfully removed the clutter from your surroundings, then it follows that your heart is free of garbage, too.

While it is easier to rummage through your thousand-and-one hoarded things, and discard them in the trash bin, unloading the heart may be more challenging.

To unburden your load is to be free of it, whatever it may be.

While every person has the right to pursue his or her dreams, the journey one takes in pursuit of them could be either exhausting or fulfilling.  And your attitude of optimism or pessimism will determine the end result—a light heart or a heavy one.

Nobody is made of steel.  Even the strong will of achievers can collapse under the pressure of life’s challenges.  No two people have the same tolerance for emotional and mental pain.

What could be unmanageable to one might not seem daunting to another.

Here are tips to guide you through your hurts.

1) Understand yourself better. Even before reaching out to someone else for help, trust yourself to truly understand you. Most people go through life not realizing that there are certain triggers to emotional events. Find out the “How did I get here?” before the “Why did this happen to me?”

Are you the kind of person who attracts a specific type of romantic connection? The story of Elsa is typical. She always liked “bad boys.” Unable to learn from her first failed marriage, she continued to attract men who broke her heart. Her “aha” moment came after her final disgust over her last relationship, when she swore to herself, “Never again.”

It turned out that, throughout her failed affairs, she was unconsciously not ready for commitment. And this was the reason she always chose the wrong man—because she, too, was afraid of being tied down.

Say ‘no’ to pain

2) Release the pain. There are several ways to succeed in giving relief to a heavy heart. Say “no” to pain—the easiest way is to remove the cause of the pain from your life. Your battle cry: “I am not a doormat, enough is enough, I deserve the best.”

Talk to someone, preferably a person who cares about you and will provide a sympathetic ear.  However, at this point, you don’t want pity. Even if you don’t feel okay, there must be an effort on your part to want to be okay.  Overcome your fear of telling the truth.

The proper advice can be given only if the person you seek counsel from knows all the circumstances that are leading to your emotional breakdown or depression.

Talk out your problems as much as you can to a person you trust. Remember that personal matters said in confidence must remain private.  This is the reason why a trained therapist is recommended.

3) Change your routine. Apart from talk therapy, do something out of the ordinary.  When you introduce change to your habits and interests, your brain gets rewired. This is a scientific truth. So, get out there. Put on your fitness shoes and sweat it out. Or, buy yourself a pair of dancing shoes and ballroom-dance the blues away.

Sing your heartaches away by going on a karaoke binge with friends. Take up voice lessons. Paint therapy is effective as a stress-reliever. Even if you don’t have formal lessons, try to bring out the artist in you.

4) Change your friends. For all you know, there are people around you that bring negativity. If you are struggling internally, then stay away from unhappy and insecure people.  They will only add to your burden, not lighten it.

5. Forgive—not tomorrow but today. Release your stressors by forgiving your oppressors. Once you’ve forgiven, stop going back to your original problem. Erase it from your mind and heart’s memory.  Erasing means totally releasing.

The final result is freedom. Bad things happen to good people, too. But, no worries, because you will attract more good than bad. Oftentimes, difficult situations happen in order for us to realize that there is a hero/ heroine in you.

6) Move on. Life goes on and so should you. Reminiscing about past pains and hurts creates a vicious cycle of negative feelings. Go forward, never backward. And there is no looking back unless it’s to reflect on all the blessings in your life.

7) Count your blessings. Yes, it’s true, once you start counting all the blessings you have had and continue to focus on the positive, more blessings will come your way. Why? Because you have a grateful heart.

This week’s affirmation: “I am grateful for God’s blessings—past, present and future.”

Love and light!

E-mail the columnist: coryquirino1@yahoo.com